Friday, March 19, 2010

And it "tries" to creep.

I'm sure you are wondering what Nono is talking about this time. I would have suggested you guess(i love guessing games especially when you are the one doing the guessing :p). o well.....even my very random mind cant come up with a good way to guess on a blog sooo....moving on.

The very first time i saw this creature, ............................................................ (i dont remember *sheepish grin*). My earliest recollection of this creature would have to be when i was in my 5th year in primary school. It was at night and i think i had just wished my dad a good night and was heading to my room when i heard screams coming from my room. i ofcourse ran there and pushed the door wide open(today, i would have been more subtle{blame CSI}. Infact i might even have gone running in the opposite direction{blame horror movies}). I found my mum on my bed doing some matrix stuvz(as in Keanu Reeves{Neo} had nothing on her). She was screaming at me to go get my dad. I on the other hand, was trying really hard to see what was making my mum scream. Spotted...Ugly assed flying creature. I didnt have to go get dad cos apparently he had heard mum screaming all the way from their room. He laughed so hard and then killed the Ugly thing. Mum cldnt get out of my room fast enough and i after confirming it was dead and being swept out, went to beg my baby bro to come sleep with me in my room. That day marked the beginning of my many encounters with the mofo.

I grew up n with that, did my creature killing abilities. Now i am proud to say i am an expert. All thats left is for me to chant "die mutherfucker die" whenever i'm killing the thing[ok i said that once :)]. I watch Fear Factor sometimes and i see how people get into tanks and they pour the ish all over them and at the end of the day, they go on to lose the final challenge and hence the money. like what the fuck!!!.....If i were to get into a tank with the mofos and make it out in one piece, that last task shall be MINE *evil grin*. Ahn just cannot end up being in vain. But then, i dont think any amount of money in the world will make me get into a tank and you pour "them" on me(ok i might be lying here but since i dont know if i'm lying, neither can you :p).

I'm sure you are wondering what inspired this post right?, well when we(my housemates n i) first moved into our crib, "they" were just everywhere. I ofcourse couldnt stand "them" so i called the landlord and he sent the fumigation people over. Talk about death in masses lol.......well since then, we hardly see them around. That was until my room got flooded(refer to IMPROMPTU) some days back. Now they are back. But this time they hardly make it into my room alive[talk about death by flooding :)]. Those that do, get killed by my Airconditioner lol. Those that do manage to survive the brutalities(water and AC), get killed by yours truly :). One time, i slept and i dreamt(that hardly happens). I dont remember what the dream was about exactly, but i do remember that as i was about to kill "it", i woke up. You can guess that wasn't a good day. I was pissed throughout. Thats the only one that has ever gotten away :). Incredible record, i know. Maybe i should think about going into the extermination business....hmmm....nope....i prefer it as a hobby.

ok so have you guessed what i'm talking about yet?? (input your answer as a comment)...see...I found a way to make you guess afterall :).

Monday, March 15, 2010

Notes + lyrics 4rm 9ja

Someone says “Naija Music” and you immediately think music from Nigeria….well you are right :). Some things are actually that easy. Writing this piece wasn’t one of those things though….writers block is a bitch n my brain particularly doesn’t work well when given a direction and told not to swear. O well, thankfully I have a bigger bitch as a friend. Writers block aint got nothing on her. So thanks to SB(much luv babes), this piece is finally here.

The Nigerian music industry doesn’t get as much credit as I think it deserves. I mean where else in Africa can you say they have music for every single occasion. Funerals, marriages, disasters etc. we even have music for cheating husbands thanks to “Ekaette” by Maye Hunter. I am of the opinion it is the only industry in Nigeria that is actually growing positively and at times like this, Nigeria needs all the growth it can get. We have artists like Tuface Idibia, Darey Alade, Eldee, Jude Abaga(MI), Banky W, Jesse Jags, Dbanj, Wande Coal, Dr Sid, Saucekid, Lami Phillips, Styl Plus, Knighthouse, Kel, Sasha, Ruggedman, Wizkid, Psquare, NaetoC, Djinee, Iceprince and a whole lot more(I obviously can't mention every Nigerian artist) who are doing their damnest to put Nigerian music in the international scene.

Now I come to someone who I believe deserves a paragraph of his own. Don Jazzy of the Mohits crew. I personally call him Midas. Everything he touches sounds like gold.(paragraph over :) )

I asked a couple of my friends to pick any Nigerian song of their choice and write something on it.

Chuka picked MI’s “God bless you”. He said:

“Firstly, mellow beats allowing the passion in the voices of both the mc and the singer to be felt. Singer shows utmost respect to his lady, admits his frailties, shows his love, his need for her by comparing her with things needed in different areas of his life, his addiction to her, his adoration of her, him still being a man when he has to amidst his seemingly dependability on her, his protection of her at the same time and finally his satisfaction that he has finally found his lost rib”.

Yes I told him to keep it simple but I guess there is nothing simple about that song. The fact he(MI) used the words “gaga and redundant” in the song was enough to win me over. I give the song 5 stars.

SB picked “I love you” by Psquare. She said:

“The odds of two igbo boys writing or better still singing a love song is absurd. Kinda reminds me of trying sushi for the first time. That’s raw fish by the way with rice and oil. Terrible but after eating it twice or thrice for free ofcourse, it begins to grow on you and I love you is the kind of track that grows on you till you find yourself humming and singing along just like you find yourself craving sushi unless ofcourse you react to sea food then u can replace the sushi analogy with moimoi :). I give the song 3 stars because the tune is catchy and the lyrics are not difficult to learn so if you wanna propose to your intended via music , this is a good choice”.

I ofcourse loved her review. I mean who else would compare a song to sushi/moimoi. She is also of the opinion BankyW should switch genres and try a bit more of what Darey does cos he has a lovely voice.

Oyinda picked “yawa on the dancefloor” by show dem camp. She said:

“Like the song implies, it definitely will cause yawa on the dancefloor. Beat is sick and lyrical content is somewhat impressive. Guaranteed to make you move.”

I am yet to listen to the song but I trust her judgement.

Kaelo decided to tackle a whole album. Eldee’s “is it your money” album to be precise. He said:

“The highly anticipated mix tape album from Eldee dropped online a few weeks ago and was available for paid downloads on itunes and It was jumped at by hundreds of fans who are loyalists to the Eldee rap story. Unfortunately, like most flash bang mixtapes, the “is it your money” album simply proved more of a success on the hype than with the actual sales. Sure promoters would be quick to heap the blame on backroom strategies and global economic recessions but the tune of their excuses are perharps a little 2000 and late. We admire Eldee…our chubby runaway kid from the tribesmen who hit popularity hard with his “Big Boy” album but since the rather triumphant return of music’s lost child, his lyrical prowess has been a bit of a doubt, his input in the “Lagos party remix” was considered shabby and his “is it your money” mixtape is begging the noose even more. Most tracks sound like dirge remakes of tracks from his previous album and as usual, his hit track is the title track. So I ask, a good buy?? Well if its my money I’d like to look elsewhere. For me on a star rating of 5, for the love of humanity and music, a 1 should suffice nicely. Thankyou”.

Lwkmd…….you would say that’s a bit harsh. Remember that’s his opinion. Get your copy of the album and decide for yourself.

There are two upcoming artists I would love all my readers to pay particular attention to cos mark my words, they will blow your mind. Both artists rap but one also sings and beautifully too. They are Smiley and Beazy. Smiley sounds like Nicki Minaj when she raps. If you don’t believe me, go to and download “body language”. If I lie, may I have another writers block. Also download her other tracks too. Beazy on the other hand is a rapper and a really good one at that. He is bound to give MI a run for his money. You can get some of his work from and . He raps beautifully.

Imagine a guy downloads “Nobody” by MI featuring Tuface and he begins listening to the song.
Tuface: “ if nobody talk about then you are nobody whether na true dem talk or na lie, my guy walai if nobody talk about you then you are nobody stop existing”
and at this point, PHCN takes light so he doesn’t hear the “and start living and start to feel what we feeling” part and he decides to kill himself cos well Tuface told him to do so. Please light up Nigeria.