Friday, July 30, 2010

You tell Me............(2)

They had only just resumed their conversation when they heard a crash followed by some shouting. It was kinda muffled ‘cause it was coming from the bathroom. The fact they could hear anything over the sound of the already loud tv told them whatever was wrong was quite serious. He was now really worried. He hoped Mina was ok. If she wasn’t, he was already thinking of ways he could make her feel better. He wasn’t adverse to a little action that night. Uche got up to go check and he offered to follow. He looked at Bimbo and she had a startled expression on her face. Her mouth was wide open. He wasn’t sure if it was ‘cause she was startled or ‘cause she had been talking and the noise caught her midway. He hurried after Uche. They had only just gotten to the toilet door when a very angry Mina stormed out of it. He and Uche started talking at once. “is everything alright??” they both asked. She gave them a look that said does everything look alright? And he immediately realised how stupid their question was. “what is wrong?” Uche asked. “well my artist’s video that was supposed to have premiered tonight will no longer be played. I can’t even understand what the guy is saying over the phone. Something about a different tv station having secured some deal. I’ve gotta call my people. Something isn’t right. I hope you guys won’t be terribly disappointed if I left early” she said. As she was talking he felt terribly disappointed. He hadn’t accounted for her leaving early. Now he’d have to put his moves back on the shelf ‘cause to leave with her would make the other s know he desired her. “of course we would but we can see its kinda an emergency so we understand” he said. “we’ve got your number so we could hang out some other time” Uche chimed in. He nodded. “it’s been a lovely evening and it was nice seeing you guys” she said. She moved towards the living room where a very curious Bimbo was sitted like a rod. “I’ve gotta leave now dear. Something just came up. It was nice seeing you”. She approached Bimbo for a hug picked up her bag and went towards the door. He followed Uche as they saw her out. Offer to drop her off(go to 12), rejoin your mates(go to 16)

“hello! Yes it’s Mina. Why hasn’t the video been played. I hope there is no problem o” “what do you mean by the video wont be played? I thought we had a deal” “what?” “who called you??” “WHAT??” “who secured a deal??” “I can’t hear you Paul. The line seems to be breaking” “hello!! Hello!! HELLO!!” “ARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!”. “O drat!!” In her anger she had mistakenly pushed down the tumbler that was on the bathroom shank. She was only just noticing it. She opened the bathroom door and there infront of her were Uche and Felix. “is everything alright??” they both asked. She gave them a look that said does everything look alright? and they immediately realised how stupid their question was. “what is wrong?” Uche asked. “well my artist’s video that was supposed to have premiered tonight will no longer be played. I can’t even understand what the guy is saying over the phone. Something about a different tv station having secured some deal. I’ve gotta call my people. Something isn’t right. I hope you guys won’t be terribly disappointed if I left early” she said. “of course we would but we can see its kinda an emergency so we understand” Felix said. “we’ve got your number so we could hang out some other time” Uche chimed in. “it’s been a lovely evening and it was nice seeing you guys” she said. She moved towards the living room where a very curious Bimbo was sitted like a rod. “I’ve gotta leave now dear. Something just came up. It was nice seeing you”. She approached Bimbo for a hug picked up her bag and went towards the door. Both guys followed her out. Accept a ride from Felix(go to 11), hail a taxi(go to 15).

They had only just resumed their conversation when they heard a crash followed by some shouting. It was kinda muffled ‘cause it was coming from the bathroom. The fact they could hear anything over the sound of the already loud tv told them whatever was wrong was quite serious. Both guys got up to go check. She was still trying to recover from being startled. The crash had been quite loud. She stretched her neck trying to make out Mina was saying but she could hear nothing. She immediately reduced the tv volume. “ahh better. Mina must be deaf”. Now she could hear some things. She could hear Felix asking if everything was alright or was it Uche?? She wasn’t sure. Next thing she heard mina babbling. She was talking so fast all she could make out was “having secured some deal. I’ve gotta call my people”. She suddenly smiled. She was sure Mina had just said something about leaving early. Yay!! Finally she could get Uche all to herself. She heard the voices approaching her which meant they were coming back. She immediately sat straight and adjusted her skirt. “I’ve gotta leave now dear. Something just came up. It was nice seeing you” Mina said as she approached her for a hug. She was busy trying to catch Felix’s eye. She just had to know what happened but they were both staring at Mina as they followed her towards the door. (go to 13)

They had only just resumed their conversation when they heard a crash followed by some shouting. It was kinda muffled ‘cause it was coming from the bathroom. The fact they could hear anything over the sound of the already loud tv told them whatever was wrong was quite serious. He wondered what she had broken. He hoped his bathroom was still in pristine condition. He got up to go check and Felix offered to follow. They had only just gotten to the toilet door when a very angry Mina stormed out of it. He and Felix started talking at once. “is everything alright??” they both asked. She gave them a look that said does everything look alright? And he immediately realised how stupid their question was. “what is wrong?” he asked. “well my artist’s video that was supposed to have premiered tonight will no longer be played. I can’t even understand what the guy is saying over the phone. Something about a different tv station having secured some deal. I’ve gotta call my people. Something isn’t right. I hope you guys won’t be terribly disappointed if I left early” she said. “of course we would but we can see its kinda an emergency so we understand” Felix said. “we’ve got your number so we could hang out some other time” he chimed in. Felix nodded. “it’s been a lovely evening and it was nice seeing you guys” she said. She moved towards the living room while he assessed his bathroom. Whew it was only a tumbler. He’d clean that up later. He joined them in the parlour just in time to see her approach Bimbo for a hug, pick up her bag and head towards the door. He followed behind. (go to 10)

For the continuation, watch out for my novel :). Thanks for stopping by.

Friday, July 23, 2010

You tell me..................(1)

Growing up, I was an avid novel reader and I always hated it when novels didn’t end the way I
wanted them to. So today, I’m gonna give y’all the chance to decide how this story ends.
Buckle up people, we’re going IN!!!!!

In a house somewhere in Surulere Lagos, four friends sat down to enjoy each other’s company.
It had been a while since they had all seen themselves. You see, they attended the same
secondary school and hadn’t seen each other since graduation. Uche was now working in an
advertising agency. Bimbo was working in a bank. Felix was unemployed but had just finished
his masters in business administration and was searching for a job. Mina was into the
entertainment industry. She was a public relations personnel. To be Uche, go to 1. To be
Bimbo, go to 2. To be Felix, go to 3 and to be Mina, go to 4.

The sound from the television was quite loud but no one seemed to mind. They all seemed to
be enjoying the music. Soundcity was on point that evening. It had been ages since he had
seen all of them and he couldn’t stop staring at everyone. Mina had blossomed into a beautiful
woman. He couldn’t believe it. She had been such a tomboy in high school. Felix was still his
short self and Bimbo seemed to be louder than ever if that was even possible. He figured it was
probably ‘cause the tv was so loud but with her you never knew. He just realized everyone was
staring at him. Apparently Bimbo had been asking him a question. “pardon??”. What are you
doing now?? She repeated. “ o I work with an advertising agency”. What do you do there??
Felix asked. “I’m responsible for bringing in new clients. I’m kinda like the advertiser of our
advertising company lol”. That’s so cool Bimbo said. I’m stuck in my boring bank job *sigh*. He
wondered if Mina never spoke but just then, her phone rang. She immediately answered it and
excused herself. (go to 8)

The sound from the television was quite loud but no one seemed to mind. They all seemed to
be enjoying the music. Soundcity was on point that evening. It had been ages since she had
seen all of them and she couldn’t stop talking. The tv wasn’t really helping so she had to raise
her voice. She’d tried reducing the volume earlier but Mina wanted them to see the video of
one of the artists she was representing not like she really cared. Nigerian music wasn’t really
her thing. Felix was still his cute short self but she was more interested in Uche. “what are
you doing now??” she asked. He wasn’t listening. He kept staring at Mina’s boobs. The bitch. “
what are u doing now??” she screamed. He seemed startled. “pardon??”. What are you doing
now?? She repeated. “ o I work with an advertising agency”. What do you do there?? Felix
asked. “I’m responsible for bringing in new clients. I’m kinda like the advertiser of our
advertising company lol”. “That’s so cool” she thought and said. “I’m stuck in my boring bank
job “*sigh*. Just then, Mina’s phone rang. She immediately answered it and excused herself.(go
to 7)

The sound from the television was quite loud but no one seemed to mind. They all seemed to
be enjoying the music. Soundcity was on point that evening. It had been ages since he had
seen all of them and he was just taking it in. Everyone except Bimbo seemed to have changed.
Mina kept drawing his attention and he noticed Uche was as distracted as he was. Bimbo was
talking and she suddenly shouted. That brought him right out of his thoughts. Apparently she
was asking Uche what he was doing at the moment. “ o I work with an advertising agency” he
said. He was immediately interested. He had been looking for a job since he got back from the
states. Apparently even with his masters degree, the job market was a brutal place. He had
gone for so many interviews he felt he was cursed. Maybe Uche could help. “What do you do
there??” he asked . “I’m responsible for bringing in new clients. I’m kinda like the advertiser of
our advertising company lol” Uche replied. Bimbo said something about it being cool and her
job but he was too preoccupied with his own thoughts. He didn’t even hear Mina’s phone ring.
He just saw her get up with the phone to her ear. She looked worried.(go to 5)

The sound from the television was quite loud but no one seemed to mind. They all seemed to
be enjoying the music. Soundcity was on point that evening. It had been ages since she had
seen all of them but that was the furthest thing from her mind. With her job in PR, she was
always working. At that moment, she was having a conversation on her blackberry with one of
the soundcity people. Her artist’s video which was supposed to have premiered thirty minutes
ago had still not been shown. “FUCK!!” her Mtn blackberry service had started pms(ing) again.
Her messages weren’t delivering. She was aware the other people were talking and she caught
something about an advertising company and a bank but she was too worried to be bothered.
She hoped there was no problem. She noticed the men kept staring at her and she just smiled.
She was used to that already. Bimbo on the other hand kept giving her Malicious glances but
she had no idea what that was about. She made a mental note to ask as soon as she was alone
with her. Her phone rang. It was the soundcity guy. She hoped whatever was wrong could be
fixed easily(she believed every problem had a solution). She excused herself and went to a
private place to answer the call.(go to 6)

To be continued………………………………….

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The silent Companion!!!

So today I was talking with my dad and I complained about my wrist. You see its been hurting
recently and my brother thinks its 'cause I never drop my blackberry. Anyways, I told my dad
about what my brother thought and he said "I'm sure that's the reason. You people now treat
your phones like companions".

As usual, I have given this sentence much thought. Are our phones now replacing our friends
in our lives?? I mean they can do practically everything. Yes I have conversations with my
phone and her name is Silver. Some of you that follow my blog already know this. I mean if
anything were to happen to my phone, I'd be completely devastated. Many people call this the
blackberry fever but I beg to differ. I have many friends that use nokias and they don't drop
their phones either lol.

Today's technology is so evolved that with the right devices, you can practically make your
money without having to leave the comforts of your home. Thank God for delivery services(for
dudes and the lazy girls). Bye bye to starvation. Bye bye to laundry. Bye bye to agro(ok I kid)
but some of you err...have your "agro reliever" delivered lol.

I wonder what it must have been like for our parents back in the day when they had to wait
for telegrams and had to do everything themselves. Granted communication was much more
difficult then but I believe u can't miss what you don't know exists. If they took any of us in
this generation back there, I can guarantee the fellow will most definitely contemplate suicide

Yes my phone is my companion and I'd only trade her in for a more recent model :p.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Vanity or Necessity??

So I'm watching Dr 90210 with my brother and I go "hey why don't you branch into plastic
surgery 'cause you'll be really good at it". You see he is an amazing artist. Draws all kinds of
stuff and he is really creative. He goes "nope I don't like it. I want to feel like I just saved your
life in some way not like I just gave you a new boob or a new butt".

I have been thinking about what he said for the past 30mins. I'm still thinking about it as I
type this post. Firstly, I don't think plastic surgery is all about boob enhancements and sex
changes. Burn victims benefit from plastic surgery. Cleft Palate patients benefit from it too.
Plastic surgery is all about vanity yes but not all bad vanity(yes there is good vanity).
Everyone has the right to look normal. No one wants to stand out in a bad way.

Looking good boosts your self confidence whether you agree with me or not so I don't have any
problem with people that feel they need a lip enhancement or a brazilian butt. I am not in
their shoes so I choose not to judge. Granted many of these surgeries are completely
unnecessary but when you think about how harsh society is today, I believe if you can afford
it, get it. Now I know some of you are frowning at this but think about it. You stare when you
pass by a dude with so many flabs he looks like a dunlop tyre warehouse. You make fun of the
women that have got slippers for boobs. Why on earth shouldn't they do something about it if
they can??

Ok Big Brother all stars just started so I'mma stop there. Your views on the topic are very
welcome though. Cheers!!!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Love in it's purest form!!!

I said i wasn't gonna comment on the events of yesterday concerning a leaked nude photo of a Nigerian artist but as i was about to start typing this post, my friend put a cd in the player and the next thing i heard was "its Wande Coal.....mohits!!". I'm taking that as a sign lol. So here are my 2cents on the matter. He sould fire his publicist. I mean if as a publicist you cannot lie like your life fucking depends on it, then you don't deserve the job. That is all. Moving on..............

I was watching a movie last night and the following conversation took place between two men and a little boy

Adult 1: I want some peace and quiet
Adult 2: Well I'll be quiet
Child:     and I'll be peace(giggles).

I thought this was soooooo cute. what?? sue me jo. i swear i grinned for like 10mins or more lol. Got me thinking(i'm sure one of you just went "here we go again" lol). As i was saying, got me thinking (:p), why is it some babies are born so cute and adorable while others have got absolutely nothing going for them. Is it that the "unfortunate" ones cheated in the race of the sperms. Maybe they were the ones that were trying to trip the other sperms or tied tails together so the other sperms kept tripping and for every naughty deed they did, they ugliness rate increased lol. Think about it. I can just imagine how the poor egg must have felt seeing the very ugly but determined sperm rushing towards her. While on this train of thought i also imagined what exactly made some kids so troublesome. I decided it had absolutely nothing to do with the sperms. I have not decided who to blame for that yet. You will know as soon as i know *silly grin*.

Anyways, shoutout to those mothers that don't out of fright drop their baby at first glance and furthermore accept the fact that they'll be looking at that face till they die(if eveything goes acording to plan) with a huge smile. Bigger shoutout to those that don't switch their kid with the adorable baby in the next crib when they feel none of the nurses are looking. Biggest shoutout to the ones that dont pack up their umbilical cord with their baggage and flee the hospital in the dead of the night. That is love jo. What???

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

We are Fortunate!!!

His name is Paul and no one gave him the name. It just grew on him for lack of a better explanation. When he burst out of that cocoon of a shell, his mother was nowhere to be found. Infact I think his mother and his father are one and the same. Little Paul wasn't alone though, there were other little Pauls around(the name was popular). Now little Paul loved the dark but he was always moving towards the light. I cannot for the life of me explain why. His one valuable trait was that he could play dead. All the little Pauls were fantastic actors. Their bodies were of some hard substance so they could withstand a lot of hitting(I personally have carried out this experiment). Infact that's when their ability to play dead becomes useful(I digress).

Little Paul was still in the dump of his birth with all the other little Pauls. They had no idea what their purpose in life was so they just scurried around. He found out the hard way that his supposed brothers(this has still not been verified) were sellouts. I mean they could betray any of their kind just to stay alive. He almost got caught in that trap once. You see, since they all look alike if you are trying to kill his "brother" and the so called brother runs towards the direction he is hiding, you'd easily mistake him for his brother. It was every cockroach for himself up there. It was a lonely life I tell you. No one trusted anyone, no one needed to be romantically involved with anyone. It was a world of chaos. Now Paul didn't know any better so he accepted his life as it was and ran and avoided and played dead till one day, the owner of his "abode" watched a Raid insecticide advert on the television. That was it for Paul.

Now do you value your life more?? Do you know how fortunate you are to have been born human??. Maybe next time you think of ending it all, you'd think about Paul whose sole purpose in life was to hide. No condition is permanent.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Her name is Eva!!!

So I'm in one of my OD'ing moods today. I think I may have just abused a song hehe!! Abused
in a good way(I'm not into all those shady somethngs *side eye*). The song in question is by a
young Nigerian female emcee named Eva. Full name, Eva Alordiah and the title of the song is "
I stay". Now I'll have to warn you. You might download the song and go "mscheww is that it??".
If that is your reaction, well na 4 ur pocket be that. Hehe!! Ok on a more serious note, I
obviously don't expect everyone to like the song. I mean if you love british music you should
love this song. Its quite similar to something Dj Ironik did. Ok here goes nothing http:// I'll post links to two other songs of hers as we go along.

After listening to the song, I just had to ask her who made the instrumental used and what
inspired the song. She said:
"I stay- the instrumental- is a song done by Yanni- "One man's Dream" off his Live at the
Acropolis album. I was listening to d song and it connected wiv me in different ways. I decided
to put down words to how I was feeling at that time and I rapped over the song. It was done in
2hours- my fastest yet!".
Goes to prove in my opinion that you don't have to hibernate and carry out 30 day rituals for a
song before it sounds good. I loved the fact she was very audible and her songs didn't sound
amateurish like most of the "rap hits"(if your body scratches you here, then I'm referring to
you :p) we see from Naija today. I'm expecting great things from this female emcee and I guess
only time will tell. Nono has stamped her seal of approval(you are of course entitled to your
Below are the links to two of her songs;

Tonight(Dagrin Tribute):

Download and Enjoy!!

PS: Yes I know this post is very informal. News flash!! It eees my blog!! Hehehe!! Cheers!! :p

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Breaking News!!!

So the world cup is over and Spain has become the new champion but you already know this unless you have been living under a rock this past month although I think that is not even a suitable excuse. Anyways, today's post has nothing to do with who won the game or who knows who won the game. It has everything to do with that octopus named Paul. I have just received breaking news from the Octopus kingdom(Octopussy). I would let my loyal friend Mark the octopus take over from here. Over to you Mark.

Screen behind me shows an octopus.

*clears throat* *taps mic* ok its working. *clears throat again*
Hello everybody. I am Mark reporting on behalf of my brethren from our cave in Octopussy. I am here to inform y'all that a bounty has been placed on Paul's head. If you see him anywhere, please get rid of him. I assure you the reward will be worth your while. You see, this my friend Paul has endangered my whole species. Now you humans think we can tell the future. Do you realise how catastrophic that is for us?? Some of the spies we sent out to investigate have returned with terrible news. We are now of more value than the other animals. We are now being hunted for different purposes which would never work like exams cheating portions and drinks that can help you tell the future.

As I speak to you now, my clan is preparing to move house. We are no longer safe in our current location. Our children will not grow up to see all the historical monuments and building we have and we couldn't keep records seeing as we live in water and all form of documentation would be ruined. Now they shall grow up and only hear stories and descriptions all because Paul could not keep his guesses to himself. I assure you his predictions were just lucky guesses. You see, back home he was called Goodluck by his parents. His name was changed to Paul by the people that adopted him after he wandered off from the clan one stormy day. If not for CNN we would never have found him. Yes we receive CNN here so you can close your mouth now. His grandmother even had a mild heart attack caused by the shock in learning her grandson was still alive.

I don't have much time now 'cause the storm is coming and soon this signal shall be *static sound* lost but *static sound* please if you can *static sound* help us te...*signal is lost*
o well...that was Mark. I apologise for the bad connection but as we speak, the bounty money is being wired to my account. You know where to find me when you have Paul's carcass :).

The tub conspiracy!!!

Hmmmm....where do I start o!! Kai. This world is cruel o. My life has just been threatened. Very serious something. I can't even believe it sef. U see, I stumbled on a story which is up there in the hush hush department and now its either my silence or my life. *now looking left and right*. Oya gather in let me tell you all about it before she wakes up.

You see, my bathtub is a pimp. Yes I said it o. She is a prostitute madam. I just found out two days ago. Apparently she "lends" out the bathtub in the visitor's room(which is the only other female bathtub in the house) to all the male bathtubs at an auctioned rate. Seeing as she doesn't put herself up for "business", the men have to make do with just the one female(visitor's tub) so they usually carry out an auction and the highest bidder gets to have his way with her. My people can u believe this?? And here I was thinking my dear Peaches(my bathtub) was an angel. Hmmmm....I won't have even heard of this if there wasn't a war going on right now. The cause of this war, my black bucket. That one is just an aproko.

You see, my brother took him into the master bathroom where he had a conversation with the jacuzzi in there. Apparently, my guy(Jac) is as horny as fuck. Agro na bastard. That one asked mr bucket if there were any females in sight and bucket of course immediately told him about the bathtub downstairs(pinky) and jacuzzi was immediately hooked. Oya now, jacuzzi wanted to meet Pinky and bucket promised to arrange everything. Bucket now told peaches about jac's request and peaches became jealous. She wants Jac all for herself. Bucket tries to explain that he didn't think she would be interested and all that. I know peaches is only interested 'cause jac is a beaut. I mean, he can't be compared to the other male tubs @ all. Do you see the problem?? Jac wants Pinky but Peaches wants Jac.

Now you would think that since Jac has never met Pinky before, Peaches could just pose as Pinky and still have Jac. Not at all. My lovely bathtub is now slowly killing Pinky. She had a deal with the plumbing system to send acid filled water into Pinky's belly. Now Pinky is not feeling fine. She is slowly deteriorating(rusting) and I now know about this. Peaches has threatened that if I tell anyone about her plot, she will make sure I slip and fall while bathing.

So if you hear I am gone, you know who to blame o!!
That tub eeees tres evillll!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Its really a jonzing world.

So for some days now there has been much hype on my timeline about some song called jonzing world. By now, I've been let down so much by all the hype publicists do for their artists that I didn't even get my hopes up but yesterday, the song was released and people not on my timeline were tweeting "the song is a jam", "I've got it on repeat" etc and I was of course seeing it on my timeline 'cause some of their publicists whom I follow were of course retweeting the praises. Oya now yours truly requests for the link to the song and a lovely someborri sends the song to me.

I listen.

I repeat 'cause there had to be some mistake somewhere

I'm in awe.

I now imagine the taste of shit that must be on a lot of tongues.

I contemplate writing this piece but I decide not to.

I woke up this morning to a mail from buzzletter the truspot magazine and the heading for their mail was:

"D'Prince premieres "Jonzing World" with Jesse Jagz and WizKid"

and I'm like this has got to be interesting. The first line in the publication reads "There is no reason why this song should not be one of the best collaborations of 2010......." I could go no further. Hold up. WTF!!! Are these people kidding me?? Have they listened to the song?? Its one thing to say you like the song(I mean who am I to mess with YOUR opinion) and its another thing to put best collaboration in a piece on the song. Are u on cheap crack?? Do you know what it means to be the best?? Infact I haven't read such blasphemy in a long while. Do you know why we call Tupac the best at what he did?? Do you think it had anything to do with the instrumentals he worked on?? I know a lot of people who don't care about what you say in a song as long as they can nod their heads to it. Now those people would never write a piece on a song 'cause frankly, all they listen to are the beats used. For you to make such a statement, you must have analyzed the song and gone like DAMN!! these people can "spit" mehn!!. I assure you if that was your reaction to this song, you need to go check yourself into the nearest psych ward for immediate evaluation. Don't worry I shall go through the pains of delivering the complete lyrics to this song for your impartial judgement. I'm in serious awe sha. What won't people publish so they get on the good side of these artists?? When I say Psquare's videos are terrible, some people say "why are you hating, can u compare their videos to the other crappy videos out of Naija??". If only they knew how much I loved Psquare. You can't send your son to a school where in his class there are only two Nigerians and 'cause he came last but one and the other Nigerian came last, you say he did good. That's just bullshit.
Ok here are the lyrics to Jonzing world. My people help me and read and decide if this song deserves to be put anywhere near the word "best".

They wan jonze o(4X)
(Somethng in yoruba) omoba abi they wan jonze o
Who no know me omoba abi they wan jonze o
Who am I who am I who not Indiana Jones o
Prince is here, omoba abi they wan jonze o
Its a Jonzing world(8X)

Jesse Jags:
If I kolombi ur sister she follow me on twitter
Original babysitter she wan use me play gita
I told her I know the Prince eh and Mr Wiz eh
My name is Jargo, baby you know I'm too bad o
She acting Mercy Johnson, Jessy is just jonking
I got the magic Johnson, who am I Micheal Johnson
She said I know my brother she don chop my burger
Jonzing she wan stop my flowing
Yankee my glo is roaming


Mmmm...I'm jonzing(2X)
Everyday anyday I'm jonzing
Its weezy baby I'm jonzing
Mmmm....ur girl see how my face looks
Then she ask me on facebook
I give her my pin then I ping her
Then she follow me on twitter
Mmmm...wizyzy deh and jessyjety deh
Plus D'Prince is here so follow me go baby no delay
Come let me do chocolaty
Keep them boys on a waiting
Dem just gonna be hating
'Cause of ur figure eight


Welcome to my world are you into cartoons
It is colourful and bright like we live in the moon
Its a jonzing occupation
You feeling the formation
Wizy, jags and omoba we be like animation
Eh please please please please
Just dey jonze eyo
Wizzy wizzy and Jesse Jags eyo
Mohits Emeazzy
The prince of effizy
And chocolate city
You no say e no easy

Chorus till end.

Now do you see what I mean?? The instrumental on this song is just off the hook n gets u nodding but lyrically, its just effed up so to call it one of the best collaborations of 2010 must mean you are on that high grade kush.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The question with many yet no answer!!!

Today's post was gonna be all humorous 'cause I felt my posts were getting a bit too serious but then I had the fortune(or misfortune for those of you in need of a good laugh) of watching a movie this evening that changed everything.

What exactly qualifies you to be trusted? The movie was about a little tribe in Kenya. The tribe's ruler's son was really good in basketball and a coach in a school in the states watched a video sent to them about some priest and spotted the boy in the background so he decided to travel to Kenya and recruit the boy. Obviously, the boy's father wanted no part in what the coach was saying. Firstly, his son was next in line to rule his people and secondly, he did not trust him. Long and short of the story is the coach had to work for the trust of ruler. You know how these comedies go. It all ended happily ever after.

Now I don't think real life is like that at all. What kind of work do you want to do that will convince my dad to trust you with my life?? I can tell u now, Nothing. With all the negativity and happenings in the world today, how do people even get trusted. I used to live by the rule trust until proven otherwise but I've come to realise that is just a lot of bull. What if you do not live to learn from the experience?? No matter your qualification or intelligence, you cannot understand the human mind. Its unpredictability is just way up there on the scale mehn!!. My granddad says we humans have the tongue of a serpent. When someone wants something froim you, the stories become sweet and the promises bountiful.

Now I am well aware that if everyone lived by this trust no one concept, the world will just be a worse off place with everyone thinking everyone is the enemy. No matter what people say, there are a bunch of people they trust. I mean if you didn't trust him would you go by yourself to visit him, would you share a meal with her even though you weren't there when it was prepared, would you give him your atm card's pin so he helps you withdraw some money?? NO. So when people go "I trust only myself" I just smile. Keep on deceiving yourself. Of course we've got to be really careful in everything we do but we shouldn't completely block out the world. A life of solitude isn't interesting at all. Atleast I don't think it is.

I know someone will say "I trusted him and he raped me". Well these things happen. I honestly don't know what to say to that. You should have been more careful?? I think we should just pray that the people we decide to trust are not the ones we shouldn't. I mean, when you put up your location on twitter, In some way you are trusting the people there 'cause anyone could see that and mobilise his crew and you get robbed or even worse, molested. I think why many girls have decided to be single is 'cause of this whole trust issue too. In fact why many people don't want to get married all boils down to trust. I mean look at Tiger Woods. You'd think that with all the money he stood to lose, you could atleast trust him to keep his ish in his pants. Nope. I even know someone that in his bid to get girls to sleep with him, he makes them think he trusts them by telling them little truths here and there(truths that are meant to be secrets) so they feel it's ok to trust him too.

The stories we hear don't help at all and at the end of the day, we are left right where we started. Do we take that chance and hope it won't come back to bite us in the rear end?? What exactly qualifies you to be trusted??

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The "Deathly" Mystery!!!

Yesterday, Toun Oni(Mama T on Fuji house of commotion) ceased to be amongst the living. May her soul rest in perfect peace.

I think death is more suited for the comparison with a thief in the night. He takes great pain to sneak in on you unless of course you are diagnosed with one of the terminal diseases so you know your time is just around the corner but even then, what stops you from being killed by your fan falling from the ceiling on you? Absolutely nothing. We all know we can't live forever but still if we were to take a poll on what we fear most, death would be at the top of the list for most people.

Many outfits describe death as a man in a black robe with a rod that has something like a hook at the top(I forget what its called). Others like the tv series supernatural prefer to describe him in a man's body. Sometimes I hear people say that old people always know when they are about to die and I wonder how this is possible. Is death partial to the older demographic?? Does he stand at the foot of their bed while they advise their kids on the wrongs of the world?? I guess I'll never know or will find out when I'm almost about to croak and my kids are holding my arthritic hands and weeping. If any of my grandparent goes through this process, rest assured I shall ask if he/she is seeing death at that point(I'm not patient enough to wait till my time).

I also wonder how the choice for death is made. What makes you a suitable candidate at that point in time?? Is there some clock in death's room with your name on it that chimes when your time is up?? I've got so many questions without answers. For the people that die then come back to the side of the living is it that death reads their clocks wrong?? Is he severely punished for that?? I could come up with a couple of juicy punishments for death hehe!! No deaths for you for 1 hour. He'll probably start having redrawal symptoms :). I'm sure people have near death experiences when death is about to make a mistake but the recollection of his last punishment stops him in time. Whew!! Crisis or rather itching(or whatever death does when he is in redrawal mode) averted.

On a more serious note though, death is a huge mystery to me and we all know how much I hate mysteries I can't solve :(

PS: pls if you are reading this and you are one of the people that have died but came back to life, sharing what you saw would be much appreciated :)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

It just got a whole lot smaller!!!

As I type this I'm probably in the remotest part of Lagos. There is no light hence no cold water and my blackberry will soon give up the ghost. I hope I can finish this post in time. I'm at my grandparents. I love them immensely so I'll blame their electrician, Rewire for my current irritability. Nigga messed up the generator and now his phone is switched off. Ok enough of my complaining. Let's get straight to business.

On the way here, my granddad told me a story about a black man he knew way back in the United states that was slightly disturbed upstairs. Dude would wake up in the morning and get ready to go to school. He preferred the predominantly white schools so he'll go to one of em(I can't remember the name now) and sit in during classes(apparently non students were allowed to attend the classes but they were not graded for it). Mind you, the dude actually believed he was enrolled in the school and took his classes quite seriously. Dude was schizophrenic. This got my brain wheels moving.

The world is indeed an interesting place. I was listening to my granddad talk about a dude I had never and would never meet and the dude(if he is still alive) has no idea two people on a very bad road in Lagos were just having a conversation about him. This happens everyday. I find this to be very interesting. If I happen to meet the dude tomorrow, I wouldn't know that I had actually at a point in my life, had a conversation about him. I sometimes pass people on the road and think "have I met you before??" Or pass by a gruesome accident and wonder "was the victim the dude that stood behind me in the queue at the bank yesterday??"

Musicians release a cd or actors star in a movie and they have no idea who is gonna be listening to/watching it. It could be distributed so far as a whole different continent. I pass by a barber's salon and I wonder "does Nelly know his face is on this salon's signpost??". Social networks don't make this any better. Like on twitter for example, many people have conversations with people they would probably never have known existed. I am waiting to hear of a twitter wedding i.e they meet on twitter and eventually get married.

I believe we are all connected in some way. The amount of people we encounter in our lifetime is too large for this to not be true. When you think about this, you actually feel the world become just a fraction of its size smaller. If you didn't feel this, you must be in China :p.

PS: I wrote this post yesterday but my battery died before I could put it up. My apologies. Today's post shall be posted later :).

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Are they on death row???

I decided to spend my evening today in the company of all things Nollywood(ok it wasn't as much by choice as it was that everyone else wanted to watch the Nigerian movie). I had sworn off Nollywood after I had the misfortune of watching a movie called "hidden treasures". To talk about that movie would be to write a whole new post so before I get carried away, I'll just say calling the movie terrible would be an understatement. Ok back to this evening. I cant remember the name of the movie being shown. I decided to make things interesting for myself by playing a game I'd like to call "Guess the next scene". Yes its exactly what the name says. I was basically just guessing what the next scene in the movie would be. Guess who came out an undefeated champion(although I was playing by myself *full grin*). I used the word undefeated 'cause I didn't get even one wrong. I mean even if I was playing with someone, the worst that would have happened would have been a draw.

The movie was so predictable. It was as if the script writer was on a crusade against originality/creativity(I just imagined the dude rounding up his colleagues for a rally. On their placards would be written "let the sucker die" "no one loved him anyway" "originality should be hung" "kill him" "kill his brother too while you're at it" etc).
That's how bad it was. I mean there was a scene the dude went to the church and was like if his request was met, he would give to the lord whatever the lord desired. Oya which of you will tell me you don't know what the lord will decide to desire in the movie. His daughter of course. Now do you see what I mean?? Infact at a point I got mildly irritated 'cause they were not even tasking my brain.

Got me wondering, where has all the originality gone?? Why do writers feel the need to constantly repeat what has already been done/written?? I mean I'm an avid novel reader. Sidney Sheldon, Jackie Collins and Agatha Christie are some of my favourite writers and I can say that not once have I been able to predict what will happen next when I'm reading their books. Agatha Christie is just the worst. To say I love her would be an understatement. So there, I don't think being original is such hard work. Someone once said to me, "almost everything has been written already". I told him there was a reason he used almost. We(writers) should be creative enough to write things that fall in that little percentage that has not been written. We should be bold enough to go on that journey that others didn't want to. I mean the possibilities out there are vast. My writings are my pride. I'd probably put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger first before I copyright or steal ideas from anybody's work.

Creativity and originality should please not be killed.

Monday, July 5, 2010

There is a reason!!!

I was woken up by the splitter splatter of rain and a very heavy one at that. I knew I was going to go to church even if the rain turned to hailstones so I just smiled. I think the Devil got my drift 'cause the rain subsided after a bit. I am seriously lacking in my spiritual life and I blame a lot of other factors for this which is just wrong. I'm ONLY(despite popular belief :p) human so you know I am genetically wound not to blame myself :).

The pastor's topic for us was "The place". He told us that we all have that place from which we will be heavily favoured(Trust me to start imagining a dude moving from place to place. Once he gets to the new place, he looks up in the sky patiently waiting for gold to drop down. When it doesn't, he crosses that place off his list and moves to the next potential spot. Smh @ myself). What the pastor was trying to say was that places are important in the lives of people. He proceeded to explain to us with a story. He told us that back in the day in Lagos, his family(wife and himself) needed to move house so he went house hunting. He saw a place in Ikeja which he liked and then he met someone who told him about another house somewhere(I forget the location). He was taken to this new house but he didn't like it as much as the Ikeja place but as he walked into the compound, God said to him "this is the place". He of course obeyed his father despite that not being where he would have liked to live.

After a few months, that friend that showed him his current house asked him if he didn't want to be a landlord in this Lagos(as if its by mouth). He told the dude he was financially incapable of that at the moment. His friend told him there was a piece of land he might be interested in. Out of curiosity, he decided to go see the land. The road to the plot was terrible to say the least and the place was quite far. He wasn't impressed and he returned. Ironically, his current landlord was the owner of the land and between the landlord and his friend, he was pressured into buying the land. The landlord agreed to release the land for him regardless of if he had the complete money. He could pay up his balance at his convenience. The landlord's wife with his friend now proceed to draw up a plan and get him to approve it then they started construction on the land without any of the man's money being involved. The landlady footed the bills. He got favoured that year and business was good so he was able to complete his payment on the land and even give back to the landlady the money she had spent in the construction of his house. His point was that if he hadn't listened and gone for the house in Ikeja, all these good things won't have happened to him.

Again, trust me to still be skeptic. I was of the opinion that he doesn't know what would have happened at the Ikeja house. He might have been favoured even more but we will never know. I am not of this opinion anymore because of the events that took place at home after church. I was watching mtvbase trying to be up to date in my knowledge of the music videos that were out when my cousin comes and changes the channel without so much as an excuse me all because she wanted to watch Moments with Mo. I got quite upset with her but then something Mo said caught my attention. It was as if she made that particular episode for me. The reasons I was upset yesterday were what she was talking about. It was extremely weird. Even my cousin was like if she hadn't changed the channel, I would have missed it completely. I was deeply touched to say the least and I have decided to pursue that particular dream of mine. My point is, while my pastor called it finding your place, I am choosing to say "Nothing is random". If he hadn't picked that particular house, everything that happened after won't have taken place and if my cousin hadn't changed the channel, I would have missed out on a potentially life changing episode. Everything occurs for a reason. We might not know exactly what that is, but its only a matter of time before we do. Don't lose hope.

PS: I typed up an initial post but I slept off while doing so. When I woke up, I mistakenly pressed the return button on my blackberry and that post was gone. I was very upset at the time but now I realise that wasn't a random act. You just weren't supposed to read it. Frankly, I think this version is much better :).

Saturday, July 3, 2010

These tears were made for??

I woke up to the possibility of a beautiful day. A friend was having a pool party and I was invited, my colleagues(for lack of a better word) were going to interview a radio presenter and I was asked to come along, my script writing lessons were finally about to begin and we were having yam for breakfast. I mean, nothing could go wrong right?? WRONG!!!

To make it very simple for the slowest of minds, today was and would probably be the worst day of my life ever. Sad, I can't go into detail about what happened so please don't bbm or DM me to ask 'cause it'll be embarrassing for you when I don't reply :). It was family related sha and there was a lot of crying involved and talk of being disowned. That's besides the point though. I'm a lot better now just incase you were wondering and as usual, I'll hunt for the positive parts of the experience and learn from that. Moving on....

Why exactly do we cry?? Please don't say its 'cause we are sad. I mean why do we cry when we are sad? What exactly does it achieve?? I have been thinking about this since morning. I couldn't come up with an answer so I'm throwing it back to you guys. I think its a very useless ability. It just makes you look terrible(case in point, that Nigerian actress with big lips that is always crying). It draws attention to you and you lose valuable body fluids. Its not as if after all the crying, you are assured of getting your way. Some parents even get angrier when you cry. I even checked the holy book and I didn't find anything in there about crying. I just asked my cousin and she said "crying is a healing balm". Hmmmm....that's serious food for thought for me sha. There was no healing taking place today.

So seriously guys, why do we cry??

My day in the City of David!!!

So today was a day for the books mehn!!!! I've been out of the house for roughly about sixteen hours. Today happened to be the graduation day for the 2010 class of covenant university. To say people turned up in style would be an understatement. Contrary to the beliefs of my friends, there was little or no traffic going to the school. The mother of all traffics showed her face in the return leg of the journey. Ok I'm jumping a lot of hours here. Let's go back to the beginning.

I would like to say here that if and when I do get a car in this town(Lagos), it shall be accompanied by a driver. Yours truly refuses to be the cause of anyone's untimely demise. People drive in this town like they are on cheap crack. Ahn ahn!!!. No one obeys the rules, everyone thinks its their turn to pass. I had to applaud my uncles driving skills on the way to and back from the school mehn!! He was apparently also on the cheap coke going around :). We left the house roughly around 7am and we were in the school by 9am. The event took place in the canaan land chapel. HUGE it was. Like Damn!!!!. Infact I doubt that building has ever been filled up to capacity. I tried to locate my cousin but of course that was an impossible feat. We sat down.

Skip all the speeches, songs and formality and let's get right to the presentation of the degrees.

It was an oestrogen fest. I kid you not. The boys were nowhere to be found mehn!! They called out only the first class students from each department and they were to represent their colleagues. Oestrogen, oestrogen, oestrogen(X20), testosterone, oestrogen, oestrogen(and the cycle repeats itself). At a point I thought I was in an all girls school. My cousin is a dude so I immediately dispelled the notion but it was bad sha. The best graduating student was a babe(of course) with a GPA of 4.99. I am still shocked with that result. That is NOT possible in my school. Infact they might even expel you on suspicions of exam malpractice lol. That's like a 99.8 average in my school's lingua. Again, IMPOSSIBLE. I think it's mostly due to how the results are calculated in my end. I was so proud of her despite not knowing her. I clapped and clapped and whistled and shouted when she was called out. Is it beans?? Damn!!. The next shock was some babe's hair which I am still arguing isn't real. Hair was WHITE and LONG. Granted she's an albino but still. DAMN!!!. She let it down for the ceremony. It was hard to miss sha lol. Made me miss my once quite long locks.

Skip the school's anthem, national anthem, closing formalities plus picture taking process.

We are back in the car heading towards my cousin's canopy. Apparently that's where we were to have our refreshments. My bladder was on burst mode. I had been "dancing" since. There was now traffic from the chapel to his hall. We were lucky to be out of the traffic in about forty five minutes. My aunt and brothers were in it for about three hours. It was just ridiculous. Everybody came for the graduation and I mean everybody. Telling you the laundry guy was there should give you an idea of what I mean. We used four cars. I of course ran to use their cafeteria toilet as soon as I was out of the car. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Is all. Moving was in abundance obviously and we had a great time. I even met one of my twitter friends for the first time *grin*. I could tell my cousin was quite uncomfortable with the large turnout. I know I would have been.

We were finally ready to leave. We dispensed with all the hugs and goodbyes and bid the city of David bye bye. At this point, I would like to thank my twitfam. Although I missed the match(Ghana vs Uruguay), I didn't miss the match. Y'all rock!!!. We didn't get home for another five hours.

Traffic is a Binsh!!!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

My Thankyous!!!

It's JULY whoop!!!!
For you all wondering whats so exciting about July, wonder no more. It's yours truly's birth month. i have decided to put up a post(or more) every single day of this lovely month(all of you asking why i didn't blog more in June can stop asking now. I just told you why).

I have cause to be grateful for a lot of things this year. I closed one chapter of my life not too long ago and i'm about to begin another. My age this year is one of those landmark ages lol. Since i stopped associating birthdays with getting older, i can now be excited when one of em comes around :). I would like to thank all the people responsible in their own little way for my being able to count myself amongst the breathing ones today. I would count backwards that is from the most recent to the oldest i can remember.

I would like to thank the chefs at Barcelos for making the snacks which i bought yesterday. Yes it wasn't even close to the best pastry i had ever had. Infact it wasn't even good but it did it's job and held my tummy till i could get home and have a more suitable meal.

I would like to thank the people that risked their lives to invent and test the airplane to make sure it was relatively safe and could take us to our destination without any unknown combustion mid-air. I would also like to thank all the pilots that have ever flown me(i mean i was in the air 6 times last month alone). I would like to thank them for paying attention during flight school(or whatever it's called).

I would like to thank the government of the republic of Ghana for having a relatively safe country. I travelled at night so many times and i always got to my destination without any mishap. I would also like to thank the drivers for of course not dozing off during the journey.

I would like to thank the pharmaceutical industry for all the drugs i have ever taken while ill. I am not sick right now so they obviously worked :)

I would like to thank the maids at every building i have ever been inside that had tiles on the floor. Thanks for mopping up all those spills. Without you, i probably would have slipped and smacked my head hard and not woken up.

I would like to thank all the engineers and workmen that contributed in making the different buildings i have been in strong enough not to collapse on my puny self. Thanks for taking your jobs seriously.

I would like to thank my mother for not telling my father "NO" or forming any nonsense on the beautiful night i was conceived :)

Finally, i would like to thank God above for creating me and all these people that helped in their little way in not killing me before my time. Baba you are too much o.