Tuesday, June 8, 2010

More Sugar Please!!!

I ate an egg this morning. It was soooo bitter. At first, I thought it was my mouth at fault seeing as I had never had a bitter egg before. I drank some water. Nothing. I bit into the egg again. Bitter. Got me thinking.........was th chick that was supposed to be hatched from the egg ugly or wicked?? Had to be one of them. Only "logical" explanation I could come up with. I mean maybe the chick would have grown up to be the one leading his friends across the road just when that lorry was about to pass. This again got me thinking.......if humans were to be devoured by a higher being, how exactly would we taste?? Sweet, sour, bitter?? Would he have to ask for more sugar??

Bitter of course would mean you are ugly. Now does it matter if its physical ugliness or internal?? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" as my friend keeps saying, was coined by an ugly person. Now while this is up for argument, I believe there is a species of ugliness that is universal. Whether your eye is blue, hazel, black, big, tiny, blind, you will see the same thing. I digress tho.....personally, I couldn't care less. Some people pack so much beauty products on themselves, they defeat the "beauty" purpose. Coming out looking like karashika with black lipstick and green eyeliner with soooo much blush, I believe you've forgotten you are black. Again, I digress. I'm more concerned with internal ugliness. Some people are sooo wicked, its unbelievable. Now I'm sure if u fall in this category, your inside is metaphorically orange(I couldn't say black na...my best colour :p). How do you perform a despicable act and live with yourself. Where is your conscience?? You order a hit on someone because you are scared you might lose the election to that fellow. You scam an honest fellow out of his hard earned money. You steal and blame someone else for it and this someone else goes to jail for you. I could go on but then this post would never end.

They say, ninety nine days for the thief, one day for the owner. I don't believe in that saying sha. What if you die before your one day comes?? I think the one above should pour a bucket of conscience on this world. The change has to start with us. The so called better future we are making so much noise about would not happen if we do not consciously work at it. Like BankyW said in "why", its up to you and I. What are you doing??

Friday, June 4, 2010

Dependent yet Independent!!!

Yesterday a friend of mine put up two very interesting blog posts. Its like a Nigerian movie with part 1 and 2. My gurl meant business lol. Here are the links Part 1: http://bit.ly/cEh3AX Part 2: http://bit.ly/dkojHW. At this point, I'd like you to check it out before you continue with mine seeing as my post is gonna be based on those posts. Trust me, its a good read. Ok moving on, she got quite some grief over the posts which I didn't think was necessary at all 'cause when you think about it, if your man aint satisfied/happy with what you bring to the table, chances are he'll either dump your ass or play you and someone else. Sad innit??. Its true though. So in my opinion, all she wrote was to help.

I detest when people say "I don't want to be with a man. I want to be independent". Err....ok. With that comes loneliness abi you know that. Who said you can't be with someone and be completely independent?? YOU CAN. My mum is living proof of this. That woman is the most independent female I know. I kid you not. Different account, does her ish when she wants to with HER money. Sometimes my dad even gets worried and asks if she doesn't want any money. NOPE she says each time. Her cars, her money. Her holidays, her money. She even fights with pops to pay fees. Again, I kid you not. They came up with a system. Lol. My father loves her to pieces. I mean why not. She is always travelling though but her business needs her to so he understands. Its only temporary. I sooooo want to be like her when I grow up. Do my own things but when I'm sad or in pain, you best be there to tell me everything would be ok. I think that's the main reason people get married. Companionship 'cause face it, as you grow older, you get lonelier. TRUE. Ur kids all move on, you get too old to work and all that. You need someone you can share your days with. So I am going to be a married independent woman. :).

Now on a different note, have y'all heard habba by Chykay featuring Beazy?? If you haven't, then go to www.reverbnation.com/chykay and download it or drop ur email addy as a comment and I'll mail it to you. So let's look at this scenario:

Dude: "hey gurl, you look lovely tonight". *he now proceeds to sing habba to her* "hey shawty, hope u like me. Wanna do crazy things to you nicely. You know who I be, I can call me mighty......"

Babe: *at the sound of mighty she stops walking* "really?? I'm listening."

Dude: "I'm gonna give it to you darling, anything you want B....."

Babe: *at this point she is ready to follow the dude* "ok. Let's see what you've got err...Mighty" *wink*

Dude takes her home and proceeds to have sex with her. As he takes off his boxers,

Babe: "hold up. Is that Mighty?? Err....I think this conversation is over. I'm going home. Wasting my time like that"

She hisses, dresses up and leaves. Dude sits on his bed thinking about what just happened. Next thing he looks up in the sky and says;

Dude: Papa why u no let mama call me Jude na. This na the 10th babe wey done wake commot my house. Who ask you make you name me Mighty?? *hiss*

That's all guys!!......X

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The voices we dont hear!!!

Time: 6.00am

He(yes I said he) wakes up. What will a wake up be without a yawn. He yawns. He Stretches. He checks his time. 6.00am. "Mouth has got to be awake". "Ahhh...yes. I sense him now". He grins.

Time: 7.00am

He grins. "Water huh??" "When will he learn I'm here to stay??" He shakes his head. "O well....I might as well enjoy myself" "next stop, surfing hehe!!" He spots his huge barlike surfboard.

Time: 8:00am

"Urgghhhh...I hate the smell of this ish". He shuts his eyes and stops breathing. "It stings, it stings" ":(". He hears Mouth laughing at him. Apparently he had laughed at mouth a while back when mouth was receiving his own daily torture. He frowns.

Time: 10.30am

The sting has lessened. He now moves about freely multiplying. He hates being lonely. "Hello friends!!" "Who wants to play" He begins his game of tag. Bliss!!!

Time: 12.00pm

"What is that breeze??" They all stretch. Bliss.

Now let's recap. We are going to go back in time. Pay attention.

Time: 6.00am

Joe wakes up. He yawns and stretches. "Urgghhh what's that smell??" "I better brush my teeth and get in th shower pronto"

Time: 7.00am

He whistles as he scrubs himself. Bar soap in hand, he attacks his armpits. "Ahhhh water" ":)"

Time: 8.00am

He uses his deodarant. He blows into his palms. Mouth, check!!! He is ready to go to work.

Time: 10.30am

He doesn't know why he sweats so much. "Arrggghhh!!" He can feel the effect of the deodorant begin to lessen. He tries not to stretch too much. "Damn, this office is HOT!!" He keeps perspiring.

Time 12.00pm

He can't help himself. He stretches right infront of the fan. "Ooohhh bliss". He opens his eyes and notices his associates are staring at him. Apparently the room now smells funny. He goes back to his seat and makes a mental note to get a stronger deodorant.

Back at his flat, he gets ready for bed. It was a long day. He yawns. He is tired. He sleeps.
A few minutes later, we hear two little voices.
A: "Goodnight Mouth!!"
M:"Goodnight Armpit"
A:"tomorrow is another day"

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

We are halfway!!! kinda...

We Nigerians have the uncanny ability of avoiding trouble/wahala(whichever speaks to you). I call it uncanny because some races can't seem to get enough of this so called trouble(names withheld). I mean we cannot be serial killers, wild life enthusiasts, war starters and the like(you should get my drift). I mean Mutallab has been disowned so he doesn't really count :p and which Nigerian would you ever find telling the lion to be calm or the snake it's being a good boy. Believe me, we are curious. What??? We always want to know. If someone is being beaten, everyone's neck is pointing towards that direction. Some brave ones are even physically present. I mean its someone else's demise innit?? We are completely comfortable being passers-by. Now at the sound of any attack towards our person, we flee. I mean Kenyan runners ain't got nothing on us. Nobody wants to know who started so called commotion. We will be curious after we've gotten to a safe location. If you doubt me, try it. Make a loud startling noise in the presence of a bunch of Nigerians and watch all hell break loose. Another thing we do is follow the crowd. Let's say some commotion happened at surulere, people in ikeja are running. Best believe that lol. Err.....*cough* for every *cough* rule *cough* there are *cough* exceptions *cough* :)

Its a new month. We are halfway!! Kinda... 6th month baby!!! I'm grateful for being alive till this day. I'm sure you are too. Let's continue to stay clear of trouble and make sure we only call to find out what happened when we are kilometers away. Stay safe. Peace!!! :)

PS: Next month is my birth month. *now rubbing palms in anticipation :D*