Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Present, The Certain.

I was walking down the road the other day when a strange guy ran past me. My initial instinct was to run in the same direction as the guy seeing as i had no idea what was in front or why the man appeared to be in such a hurry but then i said to myself "Nono you will look stupid if you just start running after this guy o and at the end of the day he is just in a hurry. Nothing alarming" so i reduced my pace and kept going forward. Just then i spotted the bus turning in from the highway. Then it hit me. He was trying to get to the bus stop before the bus. I immediately had a grin on my face and stopped to see if he would make it. He didn't. Timing huh??

They say timing is everything. Well since that day i've been thinking about that word timing. A friend of mine just had a close encounter with timing too and i was there telling her timing was everything and maybe in a different time/place, the outcome would have been different. Now i see the error in my/our ways. Who are we to know what would have/wouldn't have happened had we stopped for a few seconds to tie our shoelaces instead of moving on and getting hit by the bus; had we hurried out of the house when we wanted to instead of staying to apply some more lipstick which led to us being inside when the house collapsed. Well i think the bus would have also stopped for a few seconds to pick up somebody and we would have rushed out of the house only to realise we forgot something which would have led to us going back into the house. I don't think there is a scenario you could give me on timing for which i wouldn't have a counter scenario. Funny thing is since we obviously aren't God we can only really be sure of the known. The present. Who is to say your "favourable" scenario wouldn't have led you to a worse off outcome. So it all comes back to what DID happen and how we can to the best of our abilities, handle what DID happen.

What will be will be. We can't beat fate no matter how hard we try. We can only take comfort in the unknown which to me is futile anyways. If only i had brought her along. If only i had read the last chapter. If only i had met him first. If only we had used a condom. If only, If only, If only. Yea, yea.....well you didn't. Find the positive in that and move on.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Gaga?? apparently NOT.

I just realised it's been a while since i shared a day in my life with y'all. Today seems appropriate seeing as i'm in a really shitty mood.

Woke up this morning with the heartbeat earphone by Lady Gaga and Dr Dre on my mind. If you don't know, this is a version of the beats earphone for the ladies and the fashion inclined seeing as it's so cute. Anyway, we all know i'm not the girly type so yea i only wanted it 'cause the chrome ones will go so well with Silver(my blackberry). You see i got this really cool silver(obviously) case for her and she is all pretty and shit. ok so yea i woke up with the earphones on my mind. If you know me at all, you would know that once i've got something on my mind it's kinda hard for me to concentrate on anything else. We all know the earphones are quite pricey but err....i graduated and had my birthday not too long ago. I think i deserve a little "self spoilage" plus i'm a complete music head. i can't think of anything better to get myself lol. Sooooo back to waking up......

Woke up with a smile on my face. It was gonna be a good day right?? well not really. First of all, i had no plans of making any meal but no the father had to have chips and my little family friend had to have rice so yes i ended up cooking and leaving the kitchen smelling like fried potatoes. She of course found a way to not finish her food so i had to play the whole bad cop role. So tiring. We(yes she had to follow me since her usual companion had left the house early and kinda forced her on me not that i'm complaining sha) finally left the house. I had the apple store on my mind seeing as that was the only store that had the earphones with the control talk in store. I need the control talk part 'cause i plan to use it on my blackberry and i've got to receive calls(duh!!). Now the nearest apple store to me wasn't err...exactly near. We had to walk to the bus stop 'cause i'm all about excercising now. The bus ride is supposed to take about thirty minutes on a good day.

*skip forty five minutes*

We get out of the bus and i'm totally confused. I've got no idea where exactly the apple store is.  I also have my money in the wrong currency so i've gotta find an exchange point. Well thanks to technology, we locate both the apple store and the nearest bureau de change. I stand in the queue awaiting my turn and doing my calculations. What?? These people wanna rip me off. I err....quietly get myself and my ward off the line. For that exchange rate, it's not that serious. I decide to go to the apple store anyways despite the fact i'm "right currencyless". I get there and it's total chaos. Apparently everyone decided today was the day they would go to the apple store. I stood in the centre of all the chaos for a good thirty minutes before i finally caught the eye of one of the apple people. You see, i am quite short(and proudly so. make no mistake). So i'm like "do you guys have the heartbeat earphones with control talk?" She is like "wait lemme check in the store".

*skip fifteen minutes*

"No i'm afraid we dont have it". At this point, my anger level is rising. "but you guys said on the website that you had it". She goes "i'm very sorry but it appears we only have it in our online store. You could check hmv". I drag my ward and we head over to hmv. This time, i get noticed almost immediately. I ask for the earphones and they of course have only got the normal ones not the handsfree ones(KILL ME NOW). He now goes on to tell me he in fact has not yet seen the handsfree ones. chai!!. I'm determined the journey cannot be wasted so i go back to the apple store and ask if they can't order it to the store for me. No can do(no surprise there). I'm like "so what do you suggest i do?". They now give me the phone to talk to some dude who is telling me about money wiring all 'cause i haven't got a debit card. Anyways, it comes out at some point that i'm Nigerian and if the sales lady could have gotten any farther away from me, she would have passed through the wall into the next shop. FUCK YOU MUTTALLAB.

We leave the shop and i've got my house on my mind when my ward decides she must have chips and chicken nuggets. Next stop, macdonalds. She goes in and orders some kiddy meal like that. I forget the name. On our way out, we see many people staring at something on the floor. Now my ward is the epitome of an amebo. She must also see. We draw closer and spot the paramedics covering some kid on the floor with a blanket. he is lying face down and doesn't appear to be alive. Now we the unlookers(my ward and i mostly) are busy speculating. did he try to re-enact hancock or did someone push him off the floor above us? Questions we left with or should i say i dragged my ward away with. Next stop, home. We get off at the bus stop closest to the house and walk. THE WRONG WAY. We go about a block before i realise we should have gone in the opposite direction all because i allowed my ward lead the way. Lesson: Never let a ten year old lead the way when you are not paying attention. We re-cross the road and walk all the way back to the bus stop and back home. Now the events that occured after i walked into my house are equally as annoying but quite personal so.....

*skip another four hours*

I am now obsessed with the beats by Dre(tour) in-ear earphones with control talk. They are my style anyways. BLACK and red and yea they can be found at stores near me(what a relief). So yours truly has told the lady gaga version to take it up the butt. There is only so much one can do for matching earphones(silver). The sound quality is the same if not better considering they are a lot more expensive than the Gaga ones.

I will now go to bed dreaming of the soon to be mine tour earphones. Goodnight!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

From the mouth of the people 2.

The scene is a radio station's studio. They are about to go live with the afternoon's program. In the studio are five women seated with microphones and the appropriate equipments set and ready to go. They are going live in 5,4,3,2,..............
Sarah: Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the second episode of from the mouth of the people.  I'm Sarah your host and with me here in the studio are Ivy, Bola, Yetunde and Uduak. *Everyone says hi*

Sarah: Today's topic borders on the male body type. what are we attracted to? I would like to at this point ask all the underage viewers to please go read a book or something. If u choose to continue, you must be over the age of eighteen. ok so ladies which  male body type are you most attracted to?

Uduak: I would have to say a tall dude. Taller than me and i'm 5"10 so....

Sarah: Skinny, Slim, buff, fat, broad???

Uduak: Buff

Sarah: Any particular reason?

Uduak: well i'm not particularly skinny so it works for me.

Sarah: That makes sense. So does this mean you can never get attracted to a skinny dude?

Uduak: Nahh!! I've dated a skinny dude

Sarah: And.....??

Uduak: Nothing. It was cool. lasted 9 months in fact

Sarah: ok. can you repeat it or are you done with the "skinnies"??

Uduak: Lol! Nah! don't matter really. if we click, then all's gravy

Sarah: ok. So we've gone through buff and skinny. Can you date a fat dude?

Uduak: lol! yea. like what fat?

Sarah: hmmmm.........like a bit fatter than Shaq

Uduak: If he is broad and big. i don't mind. he has to be tall though.

Sarah: So who would you say has your ideal body??

Uduak: Lebron James

Sarah: Nice! Bola what's your take on the topic?

Bola: Well i would have to say i'm more into skinny dudes

Sarah: why??

Bola: well...I've never been into the whole "ooo girl, he has muscles" facade. I'm not a big fan of dick but when i do, i love my men taller than me and skinny. They tend to be easy to "play around" with and it's not a myth 'cause they have better looking dicks lol. Generally, it's an attraction thing for me. All my long term crushes are skinny. I'm not prejudiced but yellow boys don't do it for me either.

Sarah: lol! interesting.....so if you were to pick your ideal body, whose would you pick?

Bola: I loved 2pac's body. he was skinny but cut. Allen Iverson is fine too. i think he got bigger though.
Senavoe and Adonis are delicious looking too.

Sarah: Thank you Bola. Yetunde what do you think??

Yetunde: I like the big and buff looking guy

Sarah: Why??

Yetunde: Protection

Sarah: lol!! so you like the bodyguard looking dude

Yetunde: You can use that term

Sarah: So does that mean if a skinny dude were to approach you you wouldn't be interested?

Yetunde: i guess....i'm just biased towards bigger guys that's all.

Sarah: So you can date a fat guy?

Yetunde: Fat ke? err...no. i think not.

Sarah: lol! what if the dude was like extremely fine?

Yetunde: Fat guys aren't fine in my mind. i'll never see a fat person and think he is fine.

Sarah: LOL!! seen. so basically you are allergic to fat??

Yetunde: No. I just meant he may be fine but i wont be able to get past the fat.

Sarah: So who would you say has your ideal body?

Yetunde: Dunno! definitely not Rick Ross though

Sarah: LOL!! ok Ivy what do you think??

Ivy: i like skinny guys

Sarah: why? any particular reasons?

Ivy: well.....three skinny men i've had as boyfriends(ex now) are larger and better i think. I like really skinny. Like the kind of skinny where one arm of mine can go around his waist. i'm kinda on the fleshy side so i prefer a mix. So we just don't both look round together. Skinny men just strike me as easy.

Sarah: By easy you mean?

Ivy: I mean they are more of listeners than talkers. for me, more patient. I also think they shouldn't be underestimated. They ain't weak. It's easy for a lady even after marriage. if you want him fatter, pump him with food. Slim, maintain him.

Sarah: That's quite an interesting contribution. ok it's time for calls now. You know what to do(leave as comments).Hope you've been enjoying the segment so far.....

Monday, August 16, 2010

From the mouth of the people 1.

The scene is a radio station's studio. They are about to go live with the afternoon's program. In the studio are three men and a lady seated with microphones and the appropriate equipments set and ready to go. They are going live in 5,4,3,2,..............
Sarah: Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the first episode of from the mouth of the people. Today's topic is fidelity. With me here in the studio are Tinubu, Felix and Ola.
*Everyone says hi*

Sarah: So guys, what's your take on fidelity??

Tinubu: Fidelity amongst married or unmarried couples?

Sarah: Both. Marriage and relationships

Tinubu: well...they are both very different but generally in my opinion if you are with the one person you want to be with, why cheat? but as reality would have it, we almost always have to manage hence the cheating. It's not right but if done, should be kept a secret".

Sarah: I want your personal input not a generaliased view. Like what do you do? Do you cheat when you can or you have never cheated??

Tinubu: I've never cheated before. I've had only one girlfriend and there was no chance to even try so i dont know what i would do. ok let me think seriously.

Sarah: lol. ok while Tinubu is thinking, Ola what's your take on fidelity?

Ola: The bank or the mindset?

Sarah: lol! what do you think?

Ola: For those that can make it happen, more grease to their bumbums

Sarah: So basically you don't believe in fidelity?

Ola: I do but i'm also a realist and in this world we live in now, it's damn near impossible.

Sarah: We are talking about you here. I mean you must have your own values or should i say rules?

Ola: I'd love to be faithful to anyone i'm with but it's almost impossible. I fully expect who i'm with to be faithful to me though. I can't deal with a babe cheating on me.

Sarah: hahahaha!! Isn't that kinda like a double standard? Why is it impossible for you to be faithful?

Ola: I know it is but it is what it is. Look at me. 'cause of my job i come in contact with beautiful women regularly. I'm not a bad looking guy. i do alright with the ladies. I can't run that fast if a babe is offering herself to me.

Sarah: hahahaha!! I see. So basically fidelity is also related to job descriptions??

Ola: At all but some men are more realistically less likely to be faithful.

Sarah: So have you ever cheated and why??

Ola: Yes i have because i could.

Sarah: So the feelings of the person you were with was of no importance to you??

Ola: They never found out. What she didn't know, didn't hurt her.

Sarah: Felix what do you have to say on the matter?

Felix: Fidelity is extremely important. If you can't deal with it, stay single for as long as it takes.

Sarah: Does your definition of fidelity cover relationships or only marriage??

Felix: it covers everything. Afterall the original intent of relationships was to lead to marriage anyways right?

Sarah: You know i find it really difficult to believe guys honour fidelity in relationships

Felix: They should

Sarah: Well what people should do and what they end up doing always varies by a stretch. What do u do personally?

Felix: I believe in fidelity which is why i'm single *smile*

Sarah: LOL! Nice one. Thanks for listening in, we will now take your calls.

If you haven't figured it out, you are listening in on the program and your call should be left as a comment. Your question(s) shall be answered by whoever you direct it at. cheers.......

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Can you go a block???

She tries her best to cover up the gradually spreading bruise on her face. She makes a mental note to go with Mac powder next time 'cause her mary kay isn't thick enough for this fast becoming norm in her life. She has no idea what set him off this time. Come to think of it, she has no idea what set him off the last time. She can't leave 'cause she swore she wasn't gonna be a divorced woman but wouldn't the sensible thing be to leave before she ended up dying by his hands?? God forbid the last thing she saw be his face. That would indeed be life having his last laugh at her expense.........

The abused woman story is becoming quite a norm these days. We now have close friends telling us their personal stories instead of reading it off a magazine or some random self help book. It's now a huge reality we can't close our eyes to anymore. I once asked my friends what they would do if they were in such a situation and they all said they would leave the dude immediately. I laughed at this answer 'cause one of them was in a relationship that could be called abusive and she couldn't end it 'cause she felt she had put too much into the relationship to just back out. They hadn't even thought of the question. All of them were of the opinion there was absolutely nothing to think about. At this point i would like to say that i think that answer is quite naive. Life is not so simple and the women going through different forms of abuse are not all cowards or stupid or don't like their lives. Infact quite the opposite in my opinion. I think they are incredibly courageous. I sometimes put my legs in their shoes and i must say i can't take a single step.

There is a lot to think about when you have a family. At that point, dropping everything and backing out is not an automatic response. You've got to consider your kids and your life at the same time. Someone i regard as a sister once told me she wished her parents had never split up 'cause at the end of the day, it was they the kids that suffered. She now has a terrible complex towards guys. I also have a friend that really has no problem with his parents splitting up. He enjoys not having to spend all his time in one place. He is the only friend of mine from a seperated home that thinks that way though so i believe it's safe to call him special lol(if you're reading this hun you know i've got mad love for you). moving on..........granted some women are quite timid or should i say "backboneless" when it comes to the issue of abuse 'cause they are solely dependent on the man and feel life as they know it(with the abuse) is by far better than the life they would have on their own. While these women are completely entitled to their choices, they sadly however do not fall under my courageous "banner".

The courageous women in my opinion are those that stay and endure everything for a completely selfless reason. It could be 'cause of their kids or religion or even the powerful tool called love and it is for them i say a prayer for occasionally. It must not be easy at all. I know if i was ever in their shoe, i would pack my baggage with my children and FLEE. Mind you that answer has been given after years of careful debate on the topic. I cannot in any way stand abuse and i know even if i'm jobless at the time, my mum would welcome my children joyfully(yes that's how much i've thought about it). That being said, every situation is not the same and if you have to pass judgement, take a moment to go a block in her shoes before you say anything. Life isn't black and white at all.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Your Style, Her Barf!!!

Sometimes i wonder who exactly has the right to dictate what is fashionable/generally acceptable and what isn't. I mean everybody has the right to do what they want to when they want to right?? well YES but on the condition you can accept the fact people will always develop opinions regarding what you do whether you like it or not. If you can't accept this then you've got no business trying to set/follow a trend. I am a strong believer in the fact people do things to seek approval from other people. I can see some of  you shaking your heads 'cause you think you are the royal exception but think about it for a second. C'mon indulge me......

You put up a picture of a Champagne bottle/ specifically take a picture with champagne bottles as your decor not because that is your best drink in the whole wide world or because you have suddenly joined the drink selling industry and are advertising your wares. I could come up with a million and one reasons for this act. Some of them not all bad but i would leave you instead to your imagination.

Now how many of you remember when the ipod was first introduced to us or as i choose to call it, the ipod era. The days when girls didnt need white jewellery anymore 'cause the ipod earphones hung on our necks made up for that. i mean it became a fashion accessory. Everyone who had one made sure you knew they had one. i'm sure some people just went out and bought the earphones 'cause the pressure was getting a tad much lol. I hear the beats headphone by Dr Dre is now the new "ipod earphone". I mean it doubles as a neck support thingy right?? What do you know about dual functionality. I read somewhere that those headphones were made mostly for use in the studio but hey those people obviously knew nothing.

Next up would be the reign of the geeks. Yep!! looking geeky was the new cool. Even if your face is shaped like an owl or a bug you still went out and purchased your very own ultra bug like geek glasses. I mean what would your reputation be like if you weren't up to date with the latest "new" thing.

Lace wigs and the like deserve their very own paragraph. Who can use evostic the most *insert soundtrack*. It is like an epidermic. People took up new trades if you know what i mean so they could afford lace wigs. God forbid you cut your coat according to your size. You just had to have it. I mean everyone else was right??

Now have you stopped shaking your head?? No?? ok lets go on

The dawn of the blackberry. If you have not experienced this, u must live on your very own planet. WHAT?? People did ridiculous things to own a blackberry and if you had one, God forbid you put it on silent. If people can't hear your pings and alerts, why did you buy it?? Its not so bad now though 'cause practically everyone owns one but when our service providers were able to provide blackberry services newly, owning one was big to a lot of people. I mean some people started camouflaging their E71's and other phones to look like blackberrys lol. Take a moment to yell "WHAT?" if you belong to this category. Chameleon toh bad. I mean even till now some people use owning a blackberry as a criteria for dating. No blackberry, cross the road please.

These are just a few of the obvious things i could think of. There are the more subtle ones like eye service/hypocrisy, ass kissing and what i personally call opinion copying/piracy lol. This is simply a case where you photocopy someone's opinion so they feel you are on point.

Disclaimer: I think i have tried my best not to include my personal opinions regarding these issues but if i didn't and you feel i spoke against something you strongly stand for/ is your living ritual then you've just gotta accept the fact i've got a strong opinion(one i obviously couldn't hide) about it and move the *bleep* on and while you're in the accepting mood, accept the fact everybody's got an opinion(good and bad) about it too.