Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Oga/Madam Park Well.

So i'm scrolling through my blackberry messenger status updates and i see one from my friend that goes "she is not worth dying for". I have been laughing for the past fifteen minutes. I find this statement incredibly funny. Infact funny is an understatement. Of course he/she isn't worth dying for. Dude and i are in the same age group(20's) and i honestly DO NOT think at this point in our lives there is anyone worth dying for. Dude isn't even married not that that would even count. The other day i was watching a series and this couple went in for a divorce. All the dude wanted from the lady was his liver lol. Apparently when she was in her almost dead situation she had an epiphany and made a vow to enjoy her life if she ever got better. Dude as a good husband found out he was a match  and offered her a part of his liver. Of course she accepted and got better. Now this is where things get tricky. Apparently her epiphany didn't include her husband. just his liver. Now the dude could have died during the liver extraction process. I doubt she even thought of that. All that concerned her was herself. You see, we are a very selfish breed. The sooner we accept this, the better off we would be.

Now i know some people would give me the love argument. well..... it depends on your relationship with me. If you are my child, hell yea. Any other relationship can like to park well. In fact the driver can like to spend some time straightening the tyres. Like my friend would say, "i dinna know you". I see my girlfriends crying over broken relationships and threatening to kill themselves. Those that know me well don't try this in my presence. i would help u buy the gun, bleach, perfume, acid, knife, etc. Whatever rocks your boat. You are of course allowed to grieve and all that. I mean you've just been dumped(only the dumped are allowed to grieve. The dumpers aren't) but that doesn't include ending your life. I think this my mentality is the reason i hate the line "i will die for you". whether it's in a love song or it's being uttered directly to me i find it very difficult(impossible) to believe. I have not figured out all the nooks and crevices of this love business but i know no one is worth dying for. At least not yet. If it's your turn to die it means God said so. Why the hell would i wanna mess with that??

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The greater good!!!

I realise it's been a while since i was here and i apologise profusely. I can't promise it won't happen again 'cause i'm only human but i can promise to put in effort towards updating regularly. Anyways it has come to my attention that i'm a terrible parent. My laptop had the audacity to call me so. Ok lets start at the beginning.

Four years ago i was in the market for a new laptop. My previous one was just not keeping up anymore and the arthritis had set in. He informed me that it was time to get a replacement and i joyfully obliged. I walked into bestbuy with no idea of what i wanted to get. Granted i had done my research and all that but i just couldn't pick one lol. They were all so lovely(anything was lovely compared to my old laptop). I walked the aisles staring and examining the different laptops. It was love at first sight. He was a beaut and he had everything. You know that feeling you get when you see a perfect male specimen(yes he is perfect at first sight 'cause he hasn't opened his mouth yet. i have a theory about people ruining things once they open their mouths but that's a post for another day). Anyways, you know the feeling right? like a soundtrack is playing from far away and only both of you can hear it. If you haven't felt this yet you need to relocate or better yet carry a boombox around.

*soundtrack on* I walked towards my soon to be new baby. I know he saw me too 'cause he immediately glistened(now i think about it, that might have been a mating call. O well....). He was perfect. Had everything i needed and more. The sales assistant immediately came over but i waved him away(apparently it is natural not to listen to any one when we think we are in love *sigh*). I picked him up and went to pay(i don't shop lift). Now our relationship would have been one for the books but what would we be without Uncle Murphy? He of course paid us a visit and i stopped at circuit city on my way home. There i fell in love with a pink laptop skin. I still think cupid was at work 'cause i would never buy anything pink on a normal day and least of all for a male laptop but buy it i did. My laptop was immediately christened a cross dresser lol. I found it incredibly amusing. I still do. He of course didn't see anything funny in it lol. By dressing him in pink i ensured he stayed a virgin for life. You see, he is not an experimenter and would never take it up the butt. Now ladies would you follow a guy that comes to "chyke" you in a gown?? See his predicament and true to the parent in me i refused to change the skin. Every mother wants their kid to remain a virgin for life and i was no different. I wish he could understand this. You see my brothers all recently got new laptops and lets just say their new babies are the cream of the cream. Fresher ladies i haven't seen. My lappy has been ogling em since. He cannot of course go introduce himself 'cause of the pink so the insults are back. He blames me for all his unhappiness. *sigh*.

I'm sure you're wondering why i haven't taken off the case by now and i'll explain. I'm sure we are all familiar with "conji"/"agro"/"horniness". Now imagine a 40 year old(eqivalence of four laptop years) man about to have sex for the first time. Won't you be scared for the unlucky female?? Rape toh bad. The way i see it, i'm doing the laptop community a favour. If i take off that skin, people's laptops won't be able to come on(walk in our lingua). It's a sad sad situation but the way i see it, i've got no other choice. It's for the greater good. My hands are cuffed.

PS: He used to be called Ty but he refused to bear the name so now i just call him Lappy. I can't shout.