I realise it's been a while since i was here and i apologise profusely. I can't promise it won't happen again 'cause i'm only human but i can promise to put in effort towards updating regularly. Anyways it has come to my attention that i'm a terrible parent. My laptop had the audacity to call me so. Ok lets start at the beginning.
Four years ago i was in the market for a new laptop. My previous one was just not keeping up anymore and the arthritis had set in. He informed me that it was time to get a replacement and i joyfully obliged. I walked into bestbuy with no idea of what i wanted to get. Granted i had done my research and all that but i just couldn't pick one lol. They were all so lovely(anything was lovely compared to my old laptop). I walked the aisles staring and examining the different laptops. It was love at first sight. He was a beaut and he had everything. You know that feeling you get when you see a perfect male specimen(yes he is perfect at first sight 'cause he hasn't opened his mouth yet. i have a theory about people ruining things once they open their mouths but that's a post for another day). Anyways, you know the feeling right? like a soundtrack is playing from far away and only both of you can hear it. If you haven't felt this yet you need to relocate or better yet carry a boombox around.
*soundtrack on* I walked towards my soon to be new baby. I know he saw me too 'cause he immediately glistened(now i think about it, that might have been a mating call. O well....). He was perfect. Had everything i needed and more. The sales assistant immediately came over but i waved him away(apparently it is natural not to listen to any one when we think we are in love *sigh*). I picked him up and went to pay(i don't shop lift). Now our relationship would have been one for the books but what would we be without Uncle Murphy? He of course paid us a visit and i stopped at circuit city on my way home. There i fell in love with a pink laptop skin. I still think cupid was at work 'cause i would never buy anything pink on a normal day and least of all for a male laptop but buy it i did. My laptop was immediately christened a cross dresser lol. I found it incredibly amusing. I still do. He of course didn't see anything funny in it lol. By dressing him in pink i ensured he stayed a virgin for life. You see, he is not an experimenter and would never take it up the butt. Now ladies would you follow a guy that comes to "chyke" you in a gown?? See his predicament and true to the parent in me i refused to change the skin. Every mother wants their kid to remain a virgin for life and i was no different. I wish he could understand this. You see my brothers all recently got new laptops and lets just say their new babies are the cream of the cream. Fresher ladies i haven't seen. My lappy has been ogling em since. He cannot of course go introduce himself 'cause of the pink so the insults are back. He blames me for all his unhappiness. *sigh*.
I'm sure you're wondering why i haven't taken off the case by now and i'll explain. I'm sure we are all familiar with "conji"/"agro"/"horniness". Now imagine a 40 year old(eqivalence of four laptop years) man about to have sex for the first time. Won't you be scared for the unlucky female?? Rape toh bad. The way i see it, i'm doing the laptop community a favour. If i take off that skin, people's laptops won't be able to come on(walk in our lingua). It's a sad sad situation but the way i see it, i've got no other choice. It's for the greater good. My hands are cuffed.
PS: He used to be called Ty but he refused to bear the name so now i just call him Lappy. I can't shout.
So guys. I have been having the most delicious sex of my life. With the absolute worst person I can even ever imagine. Like if this is not a catch 22. I d...
3 days ago