The question with many yet no answer!!!

Today's post was gonna be all humorous 'cause I felt my posts were getting a bit too serious but then I had the fortune(or misfortune for those of you in need of a good laugh) of watching a movie this evening that changed everything.

What exactly qualifies you to be trusted? The movie was about a little tribe in Kenya. The tribe's ruler's son was really good in basketball and a coach in a school in the states watched a video sent to them about some priest and spotted the boy in the background so he decided to travel to Kenya and recruit the boy. Obviously, the boy's father wanted no part in what the coach was saying. Firstly, his son was next in line to rule his people and secondly, he did not trust him. Long and short of the story is the coach had to work for the trust of ruler. You know how these comedies go. It all ended happily ever after.

Now I don't think real life is like that at all. What kind of work do you want to do that will convince my dad to trust you with my life?? I can tell u now, Nothing. With all the negativity and happenings in the world today, how do people even get trusted. I used to live by the rule trust until proven otherwise but I've come to realise that is just a lot of bull. What if you do not live to learn from the experience?? No matter your qualification or intelligence, you cannot understand the human mind. Its unpredictability is just way up there on the scale mehn!!. My granddad says we humans have the tongue of a serpent. When someone wants something froim you, the stories become sweet and the promises bountiful.

Now I am well aware that if everyone lived by this trust no one concept, the world will just be a worse off place with everyone thinking everyone is the enemy. No matter what people say, there are a bunch of people they trust. I mean if you didn't trust him would you go by yourself to visit him, would you share a meal with her even though you weren't there when it was prepared, would you give him your atm card's pin so he helps you withdraw some money?? NO. So when people go "I trust only myself" I just smile. Keep on deceiving yourself. Of course we've got to be really careful in everything we do but we shouldn't completely block out the world. A life of solitude isn't interesting at all. Atleast I don't think it is.

I know someone will say "I trusted him and he raped me". Well these things happen. I honestly don't know what to say to that. You should have been more careful?? I think we should just pray that the people we decide to trust are not the ones we shouldn't. I mean, when you put up your location on twitter, In some way you are trusting the people there 'cause anyone could see that and mobilise his crew and you get robbed or even worse, molested. I think why many girls have decided to be single is 'cause of this whole trust issue too. In fact why many people don't want to get married all boils down to trust. I mean look at Tiger Woods. You'd think that with all the money he stood to lose, you could atleast trust him to keep his ish in his pants. Nope. I even know someone that in his bid to get girls to sleep with him, he makes them think he trusts them by telling them little truths here and there(truths that are meant to be secrets) so they feel it's ok to trust him too.

The stories we hear don't help at all and at the end of the day, we are left right where we started. Do we take that chance and hope it won't come back to bite us in the rear end?? What exactly qualifies you to be trusted??

The "Deathly" Mystery!!!

Yesterday, Toun Oni(Mama T on Fuji house of commotion) ceased to be amongst the living. May her soul rest in perfect peace.

I think death is more suited for the comparison with a thief in the night. He takes great pain to sneak in on you unless of course you are diagnosed with one of the terminal diseases so you know your time is just around the corner but even then, what stops you from being killed by your fan falling from the ceiling on you? Absolutely nothing. We all know we can't live forever but still if we were to take a poll on what we fear most, death would be at the top of the list for most people.

Many outfits describe death as a man in a black robe with a rod that has something like a hook at the top(I forget what its called). Others like the tv series supernatural prefer to describe him in a man's body. Sometimes I hear people say that old people always know when they are about to die and I wonder how this is possible. Is death partial to the older demographic?? Does he stand at the foot of their bed while they advise their kids on the wrongs of the world?? I guess I'll never know or will find out when I'm almost about to croak and my kids are holding my arthritic hands and weeping. If any of my grandparent goes through this process, rest assured I shall ask if he/she is seeing death at that point(I'm not patient enough to wait till my time).

I also wonder how the choice for death is made. What makes you a suitable candidate at that point in time?? Is there some clock in death's room with your name on it that chimes when your time is up?? I've got so many questions without answers. For the people that die then come back to the side of the living is it that death reads their clocks wrong?? Is he severely punished for that?? I could come up with a couple of juicy punishments for death hehe!! No deaths for you for 1 hour. He'll probably start having redrawal symptoms :). I'm sure people have near death experiences when death is about to make a mistake but the recollection of his last punishment stops him in time. Whew!! Crisis or rather itching(or whatever death does when he is in redrawal mode) averted.

On a more serious note though, death is a huge mystery to me and we all know how much I hate mysteries I can't solve :(

PS: pls if you are reading this and you are one of the people that have died but came back to life, sharing what you saw would be much appreciated :)

It just got a whole lot smaller!!!

As I type this I'm probably in the remotest part of Lagos. There is no light hence no cold water and my blackberry will soon give up the ghost. I hope I can finish this post in time. I'm at my grandparents. I love them immensely so I'll blame their electrician, Rewire for my current irritability. Nigga messed up the generator and now his phone is switched off. Ok enough of my complaining. Let's get straight to business.

On the way here, my granddad told me a story about a black man he knew way back in the United states that was slightly disturbed upstairs. Dude would wake up in the morning and get ready to go to school. He preferred the predominantly white schools so he'll go to one of em(I can't remember the name now) and sit in during classes(apparently non students were allowed to attend the classes but they were not graded for it). Mind you, the dude actually believed he was enrolled in the school and took his classes quite seriously. Dude was schizophrenic. This got my brain wheels moving.

The world is indeed an interesting place. I was listening to my granddad talk about a dude I had never and would never meet and the dude(if he is still alive) has no idea two people on a very bad road in Lagos were just having a conversation about him. This happens everyday. I find this to be very interesting. If I happen to meet the dude tomorrow, I wouldn't know that I had actually at a point in my life, had a conversation about him. I sometimes pass people on the road and think "have I met you before??" Or pass by a gruesome accident and wonder "was the victim the dude that stood behind me in the queue at the bank yesterday??"

Musicians release a cd or actors star in a movie and they have no idea who is gonna be listening to/watching it. It could be distributed so far as a whole different continent. I pass by a barber's salon and I wonder "does Nelly know his face is on this salon's signpost??". Social networks don't make this any better. Like on twitter for example, many people have conversations with people they would probably never have known existed. I am waiting to hear of a twitter wedding i.e they meet on twitter and eventually get married.

I believe we are all connected in some way. The amount of people we encounter in our lifetime is too large for this to not be true. When you think about this, you actually feel the world become just a fraction of its size smaller. If you didn't feel this, you must be in China :p.

PS: I wrote this post yesterday but my battery died before I could put it up. My apologies. Today's post shall be posted later :).

Are they on death row???

I decided to spend my evening today in the company of all things Nollywood(ok it wasn't as much by choice as it was that everyone else wanted to watch the Nigerian movie). I had sworn off Nollywood after I had the misfortune of watching a movie called "hidden treasures". To talk about that movie would be to write a whole new post so before I get carried away, I'll just say calling the movie terrible would be an understatement. Ok back to this evening. I cant remember the name of the movie being shown. I decided to make things interesting for myself by playing a game I'd like to call "Guess the next scene". Yes its exactly what the name says. I was basically just guessing what the next scene in the movie would be. Guess who came out an undefeated champion(although I was playing by myself *full grin*). I used the word undefeated 'cause I didn't get even one wrong. I mean even if I was playing with someone, the worst that would have happened would have been a draw.

The movie was so predictable. It was as if the script writer was on a crusade against originality/creativity(I just imagined the dude rounding up his colleagues for a rally. On their placards would be written "let the sucker die" "no one loved him anyway" "originality should be hung" "kill him" "kill his brother too while you're at it" etc).
That's how bad it was. I mean there was a scene the dude went to the church and was like if his request was met, he would give to the lord whatever the lord desired. Oya which of you will tell me you don't know what the lord will decide to desire in the movie. His daughter of course. Now do you see what I mean?? Infact at a point I got mildly irritated 'cause they were not even tasking my brain.

Got me wondering, where has all the originality gone?? Why do writers feel the need to constantly repeat what has already been done/written?? I mean I'm an avid novel reader. Sidney Sheldon, Jackie Collins and Agatha Christie are some of my favourite writers and I can say that not once have I been able to predict what will happen next when I'm reading their books. Agatha Christie is just the worst. To say I love her would be an understatement. So there, I don't think being original is such hard work. Someone once said to me, "almost everything has been written already". I told him there was a reason he used almost. We(writers) should be creative enough to write things that fall in that little percentage that has not been written. We should be bold enough to go on that journey that others didn't want to. I mean the possibilities out there are vast. My writings are my pride. I'd probably put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger first before I copyright or steal ideas from anybody's work.

Creativity and originality should please not be killed.

There is a reason!!!

I was woken up by the splitter splatter of rain and a very heavy one at that. I knew I was going to go to church even if the rain turned to hailstones so I just smiled. I think the Devil got my drift 'cause the rain subsided after a bit. I am seriously lacking in my spiritual life and I blame a lot of other factors for this which is just wrong. I'm ONLY(despite popular belief :p) human so you know I am genetically wound not to blame myself :).

The pastor's topic for us was "The place". He told us that we all have that place from which we will be heavily favoured(Trust me to start imagining a dude moving from place to place. Once he gets to the new place, he looks up in the sky patiently waiting for gold to drop down. When it doesn't, he crosses that place off his list and moves to the next potential spot. Smh @ myself). What the pastor was trying to say was that places are important in the lives of people. He proceeded to explain to us with a story. He told us that back in the day in Lagos, his family(wife and himself) needed to move house so he went house hunting. He saw a place in Ikeja which he liked and then he met someone who told him about another house somewhere(I forget the location). He was taken to this new house but he didn't like it as much as the Ikeja place but as he walked into the compound, God said to him "this is the place". He of course obeyed his father despite that not being where he would have liked to live.

After a few months, that friend that showed him his current house asked him if he didn't want to be a landlord in this Lagos(as if its by mouth). He told the dude he was financially incapable of that at the moment. His friend told him there was a piece of land he might be interested in. Out of curiosity, he decided to go see the land. The road to the plot was terrible to say the least and the place was quite far. He wasn't impressed and he returned. Ironically, his current landlord was the owner of the land and between the landlord and his friend, he was pressured into buying the land. The landlord agreed to release the land for him regardless of if he had the complete money. He could pay up his balance at his convenience. The landlord's wife with his friend now proceed to draw up a plan and get him to approve it then they started construction on the land without any of the man's money being involved. The landlady footed the bills. He got favoured that year and business was good so he was able to complete his payment on the land and even give back to the landlady the money she had spent in the construction of his house. His point was that if he hadn't listened and gone for the house in Ikeja, all these good things won't have happened to him.

Again, trust me to still be skeptic. I was of the opinion that he doesn't know what would have happened at the Ikeja house. He might have been favoured even more but we will never know. I am not of this opinion anymore because of the events that took place at home after church. I was watching mtvbase trying to be up to date in my knowledge of the music videos that were out when my cousin comes and changes the channel without so much as an excuse me all because she wanted to watch Moments with Mo. I got quite upset with her but then something Mo said caught my attention. It was as if she made that particular episode for me. The reasons I was upset yesterday were what she was talking about. It was extremely weird. Even my cousin was like if she hadn't changed the channel, I would have missed it completely. I was deeply touched to say the least and I have decided to pursue that particular dream of mine. My point is, while my pastor called it finding your place, I am choosing to say "Nothing is random". If he hadn't picked that particular house, everything that happened after won't have taken place and if my cousin hadn't changed the channel, I would have missed out on a potentially life changing episode. Everything occurs for a reason. We might not know exactly what that is, but its only a matter of time before we do. Don't lose hope.

PS: I typed up an initial post but I slept off while doing so. When I woke up, I mistakenly pressed the return button on my blackberry and that post was gone. I was very upset at the time but now I realise that wasn't a random act. You just weren't supposed to read it. Frankly, I think this version is much better :).

These tears were made for??

I woke up to the possibility of a beautiful day. A friend was having a pool party and I was invited, my colleagues(for lack of a better word) were going to interview a radio presenter and I was asked to come along, my script writing lessons were finally about to begin and we were having yam for breakfast. I mean, nothing could go wrong right?? WRONG!!!

To make it very simple for the slowest of minds, today was and would probably be the worst day of my life ever. Sad, I can't go into detail about what happened so please don't bbm or DM me to ask 'cause it'll be embarrassing for you when I don't reply :). It was family related sha and there was a lot of crying involved and talk of being disowned. That's besides the point though. I'm a lot better now just incase you were wondering and as usual, I'll hunt for the positive parts of the experience and learn from that. Moving on....

Why exactly do we cry?? Please don't say its 'cause we are sad. I mean why do we cry when we are sad? What exactly does it achieve?? I have been thinking about this since morning. I couldn't come up with an answer so I'm throwing it back to you guys. I think its a very useless ability. It just makes you look terrible(case in point, that Nigerian actress with big lips that is always crying). It draws attention to you and you lose valuable body fluids. Its not as if after all the crying, you are assured of getting your way. Some parents even get angrier when you cry. I even checked the holy book and I didn't find anything in there about crying. I just asked my cousin and she said "crying is a healing balm". Hmmmm....that's serious food for thought for me sha. There was no healing taking place today.

So seriously guys, why do we cry??

My day in the City of David!!!

So today was a day for the books mehn!!!! I've been out of the house for roughly about sixteen hours. Today happened to be the graduation day for the 2010 class of covenant university. To say people turned up in style would be an understatement. Contrary to the beliefs of my friends, there was little or no traffic going to the school. The mother of all traffics showed her face in the return leg of the journey. Ok I'm jumping a lot of hours here. Let's go back to the beginning.

I would like to say here that if and when I do get a car in this town(Lagos), it shall be accompanied by a driver. Yours truly refuses to be the cause of anyone's untimely demise. People drive in this town like they are on cheap crack. Ahn ahn!!!. No one obeys the rules, everyone thinks its their turn to pass. I had to applaud my uncles driving skills on the way to and back from the school mehn!! He was apparently also on the cheap coke going around :). We left the house roughly around 7am and we were in the school by 9am. The event took place in the canaan land chapel. HUGE it was. Like Damn!!!!. Infact I doubt that building has ever been filled up to capacity. I tried to locate my cousin but of course that was an impossible feat. We sat down.

Skip all the speeches, songs and formality and let's get right to the presentation of the degrees.

It was an oestrogen fest. I kid you not. The boys were nowhere to be found mehn!! They called out only the first class students from each department and they were to represent their colleagues. Oestrogen, oestrogen, oestrogen(X20), testosterone, oestrogen, oestrogen(and the cycle repeats itself). At a point I thought I was in an all girls school. My cousin is a dude so I immediately dispelled the notion but it was bad sha. The best graduating student was a babe(of course) with a GPA of 4.99. I am still shocked with that result. That is NOT possible in my school. Infact they might even expel you on suspicions of exam malpractice lol. That's like a 99.8 average in my school's lingua. Again, IMPOSSIBLE. I think it's mostly due to how the results are calculated in my end. I was so proud of her despite not knowing her. I clapped and clapped and whistled and shouted when she was called out. Is it beans?? Damn!!. The next shock was some babe's hair which I am still arguing isn't real. Hair was WHITE and LONG. Granted she's an albino but still. DAMN!!!. She let it down for the ceremony. It was hard to miss sha lol. Made me miss my once quite long locks.

Skip the school's anthem, national anthem, closing formalities plus picture taking process.

We are back in the car heading towards my cousin's canopy. Apparently that's where we were to have our refreshments. My bladder was on burst mode. I had been "dancing" since. There was now traffic from the chapel to his hall. We were lucky to be out of the traffic in about forty five minutes. My aunt and brothers were in it for about three hours. It was just ridiculous. Everybody came for the graduation and I mean everybody. Telling you the laundry guy was there should give you an idea of what I mean. We used four cars. I of course ran to use their cafeteria toilet as soon as I was out of the car. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Is all. Moving on.....food was in abundance obviously and we had a great time. I even met one of my twitter friends for the first time *grin*. I could tell my cousin was quite uncomfortable with the large turnout. I know I would have been.

We were finally ready to leave. We dispensed with all the hugs and goodbyes and bid the city of David bye bye. At this point, I would like to thank my twitfam. Although I missed the match(Ghana vs Uruguay), I didn't miss the match. Y'all rock!!!. We didn't get home for another five hours.

Traffic is a Binsh!!!

My Thankyous!!!

It's JULY whoop!!!!
For you all wondering whats so exciting about July, wonder no more. It's yours truly's birth month. i have decided to put up a post(or more) every single day of this lovely month(all of you asking why i didn't blog more in June can stop asking now. I just told you why).

I have cause to be grateful for a lot of things this year. I closed one chapter of my life not too long ago and i'm about to begin another. My age this year is one of those landmark ages lol. Since i stopped associating birthdays with getting older, i can now be excited when one of em comes around :). I would like to thank all the people responsible in their own little way for my being able to count myself amongst the breathing ones today. I would count backwards that is from the most recent to the oldest i can remember.

I would like to thank the chefs at Barcelos for making the snacks which i bought yesterday. Yes it wasn't even close to the best pastry i had ever had. Infact it wasn't even good but it did it's job and held my tummy till i could get home and have a more suitable meal.

I would like to thank the people that risked their lives to invent and test the airplane to make sure it was relatively safe and could take us to our destination without any unknown combustion mid-air. I would also like to thank all the pilots that have ever flown me(i mean i was in the air 6 times last month alone). I would like to thank them for paying attention during flight school(or whatever it's called).

I would like to thank the government of the republic of Ghana for having a relatively safe country. I travelled at night so many times and i always got to my destination without any mishap. I would also like to thank the drivers for of course not dozing off during the journey.

I would like to thank the pharmaceutical industry for all the drugs i have ever taken while ill. I am not sick right now so they obviously worked :)

I would like to thank the maids at every building i have ever been inside that had tiles on the floor. Thanks for mopping up all those spills. Without you, i probably would have slipped and smacked my head hard and not woken up.

I would like to thank all the engineers and workmen that contributed in making the different buildings i have been in strong enough not to collapse on my puny self. Thanks for taking your jobs seriously.

I would like to thank my mother for not telling my father "NO" or forming any nonsense on the beautiful night i was conceived :)

Finally, i would like to thank God above for creating me and all these people that helped in their little way in not killing me before my time. Baba you are too much o.
THANKYOU.

More Sugar Please!!!

I ate an egg this morning. It was soooo bitter. At first, I thought it was my mouth at fault seeing as I had never had a bitter egg before. I drank some water. Nothing. I bit into the egg again. Bitter. Got me thinking.........was th chick that was supposed to be hatched from the egg ugly or wicked?? Had to be one of them. Only "logical" explanation I could come up with. I mean maybe the chick would have grown up to be the one leading his friends across the road just when that lorry was about to pass. This again got me thinking.......if humans were to be devoured by a higher being, how exactly would we taste?? Sweet, sour, bitter?? Would he have to ask for more sugar??

Bitter of course would mean you are ugly. Now does it matter if its physical ugliness or internal?? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" as my friend keeps saying, was coined by an ugly person. Now while this is up for argument, I believe there is a species of ugliness that is universal. Whether your eye is blue, hazel, black, big, tiny, blind, you will see the same thing. I digress tho.....personally, I couldn't care less. Some people pack so much beauty products on themselves, they defeat the "beauty" purpose. Coming out looking like karashika with black lipstick and green eyeliner with soooo much blush, I believe you've forgotten you are black. Again, I digress. I'm more concerned with internal ugliness. Some people are sooo wicked, its unbelievable. Now I'm sure if u fall in this category, your inside is metaphorically orange(I couldn't say black na...my best colour :p). How do you perform a despicable act and live with yourself. Where is your conscience?? You order a hit on someone because you are scared you might lose the election to that fellow. You scam an honest fellow out of his hard earned money. You steal and blame someone else for it and this someone else goes to jail for you. I could go on but then this post would never end.

They say, ninety nine days for the thief, one day for the owner. I don't believe in that saying sha. What if you die before your one day comes?? I think the one above should pour a bucket of conscience on this world. The change has to start with us. The so called better future we are making so much noise about would not happen if we do not consciously work at it. Like BankyW said in "why", its up to you and I. What are you doing??

Dependent yet Independent!!!

Yesterday a friend of mine put up two very interesting blog posts. Its like a Nigerian movie with part 1 and 2. My gurl meant business lol. Here are the links Part 1: http://bit.ly/cEh3AX Part 2: http://bit.ly/dkojHW. At this point, I'd like you to check it out before you continue with mine seeing as my post is gonna be based on those posts. Trust me, its a good read. Ok moving on, she got quite some grief over the posts which I didn't think was necessary at all 'cause when you think about it, if your man aint satisfied/happy with what you bring to the table, chances are he'll either dump your ass or play you and someone else. Sad innit??. Its true though. So in my opinion, all she wrote was to help.

I detest when people say "I don't want to be with a man. I want to be independent". Err....ok. With that comes loneliness abi you know that. Who said you can't be with someone and be completely independent?? YOU CAN. My mum is living proof of this. That woman is the most independent female I know. I kid you not. Different account, does her ish when she wants to with HER money. Sometimes my dad even gets worried and asks if she doesn't want any money. NOPE she says each time. Her cars, her money. Her holidays, her money. She even fights with pops to pay fees. Again, I kid you not. They came up with a system. Lol. My father loves her to pieces. I mean why not. She is always travelling though but her business needs her to so he understands. Its only temporary. I sooooo want to be like her when I grow up. Do my own things but when I'm sad or in pain, you best be there to tell me everything would be ok. I think that's the main reason people get married. Companionship 'cause face it, as you grow older, you get lonelier. TRUE. Ur kids all move on, you get too old to work and all that. You need someone you can share your days with. So I am going to be a married independent woman. :).

Now on a different note, have y'all heard habba by Chykay featuring Beazy?? If you haven't, then go to www.reverbnation.com/chykay and download it or drop ur email addy as a comment and I'll mail it to you. So let's look at this scenario:

Dude: "hey gurl, you look lovely tonight". *he now proceeds to sing habba to her* "hey shawty, hope u like me. Wanna do crazy things to you nicely. You know who I be, I can call me mighty......"

Babe: *at the sound of mighty she stops walking* "really?? I'm listening."

Dude: "I'm gonna give it to you darling, anything you want B....."

Babe: *at this point she is ready to follow the dude* "ok. Let's see what you've got err...Mighty" *wink*

Dude takes her home and proceeds to have sex with her. As he takes off his boxers,

Babe: "hold up. Is that Mighty?? Err....I think this conversation is over. I'm going home. Wasting my time like that"

She hisses, dresses up and leaves. Dude sits on his bed thinking about what just happened. Next thing he looks up in the sky and says;

Dude: Papa why u no let mama call me Jude na. This na the 10th babe wey done wake commot my house. Who ask you make you name me Mighty?? *hiss*

That's all guys!!......X